What was your greatest holiday?

A few years back I stayed at the Madonna Inn. It's this super tacky hotel half way between LA and San Fran. It's not the most glamorous holiday I've ever taken but by far the most fun. Everything is themed to within an inch of its life at the Madonna Inn. So tacky and so fun.

And the worst?

I'm not sure if you could call it a holiday but I was a contestant on the first Australian series of I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. It is essentially Celebrity Survivor. Eating eyeballs in the African jungle for 6 weeks with 11 other "celebrities" wasn't exactly relaxing.

If we bump into you on holiday, what are you most likely to be doing?

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Drinking and googling myself.

If we could teleport you to one place in New Zealand for a week-long holiday, where would it be?

Somewhere other than Auckland!! Don't get me wrong... I adore Auckland... but I've never seen any of the rest of NZ. And I've probably been to Auckland about 30 times. It feels a bit wrong.

How about for a dream holiday internationally?

I really want to go to Tel Aviv because everyone there is so sexy. Or possible skiing in Japan.

What's the dumbest thing you've ever done when travelling?

Oh my god where do I begin. I went to a dodgy bar in the dodgiest neighbourhood of Kiev, Ukraine 2 nights ago. Was told repeatedly not to go there... so I did.

Complete this sentence: I can't travel without ...

My passport. They keep holding me up at customs and saying things like "you're not allowed to travel without one". So irritating.

What's the best travel tip you've ever been given?

Make someone else pay for your trip.

What was the most memorable meal you've had while travelling?

Just a few nights ago, once again in Ukraine, I went out for a traditional Georgian meal. Holy crap it was so delicious. So much cheese. I'd never had Georgian food before but I will be having it again for sure.

What's the best thing you've brought back from a trip?

I thought I had Ebola once but turns out I was just allergic to the blanket on the plane. I normally buy a beautiful bottle of vintage champagne when coming through customs after a long work trip. I then save it to celebrate on a big occasion.

Favourite airport to land at?

Ooh tough one. Perth in Australia because it's my hometown. But I also love Abu Dhabi (where I'm currently writing this from). They run a tight ship at this airport.

What's the next trip you've got planned?

Auckland! And then I'm not sure. I'm thinking a quick trip to Fiji for a week or so. Bula!

Joel Creasey performs his show 'POSER' in Auckland at Q Theatre 16 -20 May as part of the NZ International Comedy Festival powered by Flick Electric Co.