Dr Nikki Goldstein: Stuck in a rut? How to spice up your sex life

By Dr Nikki Goldstein

Having a good sex life requires work, communication and exploration. Photo / 123RF
Having a good sex life requires work, communication and exploration. Photo / 123RF

All couples struggle with sex at some stage. It's normal.

But if you're struggling in the bedroom, it's important to work out if it's due to your expectations or if there's a specific reason why, reports news.com.au.

Today, there are also so many messages from the world around us telling us our sex lives are not good enough. It's a no brainer why so many couples feel they need to work on their spark.

While there are some medical and more serious psychological conditions that can impact a couple's sex life, there are also a few common everyday issues that can be fixed with a bit of good old fashioned hard work, talking and basic information.

Here are the things they forget to tell you in sex ed.

SEXUAL BOREDOM

If you do the same thing over and over again, eventually you'll get bored of it. Don't stress if your sex life is feeling a little less interesting these days. Many couples are busy, struggling with time and stuck in a rut.

If you are wondering why your partner doesn't desire as much sex anymore or your desires towards your partner are not what they used to be, it could be due to too much routine.

The next issue is how to bring more enjoyment back into the bedroom. So many couples struggle to talk about sexual issues, but get over the awkwardness because this is going to be your best tool.

Discuss with your partner what you like and what your desires are. Don't feel it has be big changes or kinky sexual acts, sometimes it's the smaller thing that make a difference.

Do you want more kissing and touching? Would you like more foreplay or to use a lube or a toy? If you don't ask, how do you expect to receive?

DISCONNECTION

There are so many things these days that can come between you and your partner. Life is busy and there are devices, updates, trends and TV shows to keep up with.

Feeling disconnected from your partner can be common, but it is something that you need to take more seriously. A lot of bedroom satisfaction starts with what happens outside of the bedroom first.

There is no one set recipe for spicy sex, but one thing that really can make a difference is the connection and intimacy you have. How you get that connection and intimacy will depend on what you define these two elements to be.

This could be achieved by spending more time together, sharing thoughts and desires and addressing issues as they arise. When there are emotional issues lingering, it can subconsciously influence your sexual attitude.

It's also important to do things together that excite you make you both happy and put you in a positive mood.

Happy couples like each other more and people who like each other more have more sex.

INABILITY TO ORGASM

This is one of the most common concerns among woman and often a concern for men if they can't deliver for their partner. As many as 80% of woman achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation, so it's only natural that achieving this through penetration might be a struggle (the clitoris is not located inside the vaginal canal).

This is where going back to discussions around sex might be needed, but it's also important to talk about what you define good sex to be. Is it the presence of an orgasm? Why can't good sex also be when you have a laugh, enjoy yourself and feel bonded and connected? And if that's what good sex is, are there other ways rather than penetration that this can be achieved?

Don't feel alone if you are struggling in the bedroom or even that there is something wrong with you. Having a good sex life requires work, communication and exploration, something that isn't often taught and not easy to instruct.

Don't feel you have to get it right, because what is right anyway when it comes to good sex? We are all different and all have different sexual needs.

Whether you are single or in a relationship, continue to talk, explore and discover while challenging the messages wider society brings into your bedroom.

That is the best recipe for great sex and the best sex ed advice I can give.

- news.com.au

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