This month the country becomes one of the few places in Asia to recognise same-sex unions. And among the first to get hitched will be one of its biggest TV stars.
On Valentine’s Day, 2014, the Thai TV host Woody and his partner, Ote, invited close friends to a private gathering on a hotel rooftop on the holiday island of Phuket. Woody, whose real name is Vuthithorn Milintachinda, is one of Thailand’s best-known television stars, renowned for his interviews with David Beckham, Will Smith, Britney Spears, even the Dalai Lama.
After eight years together, he and Ote – Akkharaphol Chabchitrchaidol, a Thai economist – had decided to celebrate their union with a wedding ceremony. Secrecy was of the essence. Woody had come out to his family but not to the public, fearful of a possible backlash from viewers or network bosses against his daily breakfast show.
Despite the country’s reputation as an easygoing “gay paradise” for foreign visitors, Thai public figures a decade ago were very much living a “don’t ask, don’t tell” existence. Ote was also guarding his privacy closely, not out to his parents and working at the time in Singapore – where homosexual activity was then still a crime. Nor would the ceremony be official, as Thailand’s civil code defined marriage as the union of a man and woman.
“The point was that we wanted our friends to witness our vows of commitment to each other,” Ote says.
Eleven years later, the two are preparing to tie the knot officially this month. On January 22 Thailand will become the first country in southeast Asia – and the second place in Asia, after Taiwan – to introduce full marriage equality. It is a seismic shift for a traditional society where hierarchical family structures and lineage are extremely important, and challenging established norms is frowned upon.
Thailand decriminalised homosexuality in 1956. Buddhism, the predominant religion, has no scriptural stance on homosexuality, and Thais have long had a reputation for tolerance, a people who tend to be reserved and nonjudgmental – in public at least. But for Thailand’s LGBT community, tolerance did not translate into equality or rights.
Thai same-sex couples have not previously been able to discuss life and death decisions about their loved ones with doctors, start families by adopting children, buy property jointly, or share inheritances.
That all changes this month when the redrafted laws come into effect as a result of amendments to language in the civil code. Marriage will now be between “individuals”, not a “man and woman”, while the word “spouse” replaces “husband” and “wife”.
After years of struggle and setbacks, same-sex couples speak of their excitement and relief that they will enjoy the same rights as their straight friends and colleagues, and that the stigma of being “second-class citizens” (a phrase I heard repeatedly) will be over – legally at least.
Woody, 48, and Ote, 46, will be among thousands registering marriage certificates at their local government office in the first few days after January 22. They have also been sending out hundreds of “save the date” messages for a big party in March – a stark contrast to their preparations for the Phuket ceremony in 2014.
Back then, their 24 guests – friends from university and the worlds of entertainment and finance – were sworn to secrecy, told “no pictures” and asked to hand in their camera phones. One of the party chronicled the event for the happy couple as designated photographer. The hotel owner, also a friend, served the champagne. No other staff were present. It was not just Woody and Ote who required discretion. Also present were fellow celebrities who were gay but not out. A famous TV host – names are still confidential – served as celebrant. As Ote’s sexuality was a secret to his parents, no relatives on either side were invited.
The dress code was white, with the grooms in tuxedos, for a sunset ceremony overlooking the Andaman Sea. The couple exchanged rings and shared vows they had written for each other. A firework display delivered the finale.
The stealth operation was a success – for two years. But in 2016, while they were on holiday in Myanmar, some of the photos leaked, unleashing a barrage of calls from journalists to their office and a frenzy on social media. They still do not know how the pictures emerged and wonder if perhaps a courier or photo lab worker might have been responsible. “I’m very sure it wasn’t anyone we trusted,” Woody says.
It was a shocking moment. In their final days in Myanmar, they decided not just to go public about their sexuality and relationship, but also to take advantage of the challenge to champion the cause of marriage equality.
“Things happen for a reason,” Woody says. “So we decided I would come out at the start of my first breakfast show after the holiday. It was a relief, really, finally to be honest and open.” It was his most daunting onscreen challenge yet. “Coming out to your parents is one thing. Coming out to the whole country on your live TV show is something else. I felt really uncomfortable, so much anxiety and stress, worrying how it might affect our careers and our lives. But once I did, it felt so good, such a relief. It had been the only thing that was inauthentic about me.”
When he came off air, his phone was buzzing with messages. The first one he read was from his mother. “Son, I want you to know that love is so beautiful and I love you for whoever you are, and I just want you to know that,” she wrote.
Ote had taken his own father for breakfast as Woody went on air. “I warned him there was going to be stuff coming out,” he says. “He was very supportive. I think, deep down, parents know.”
The jeopardy of possible professional fallout hung over them. Woody feared he would no longer be deemed an appropriate family-friendly host for his breakfast TV spot. And in the hidebound Asian finance industry, Ote had faced questions about why he was (apparently) single. When his name was discussed for promotion, the executive team noted down his unmarried status as a negative for career advancement.
But they experienced little backlash, apart from some homophobic slurs posted beneath online news coverage. “The response was basically great,” Woody says. “I was contacted by gay kids, parents of gay kids, people wondering about whether to come out, if they needed to come out.”
Coming out to your parents is one thing. Coming out to the whole country on your live TV show is something else.
As the couple threw their weight behind the campaign to legalise same-sex marriage, their celebrity helped open doors to lobby senior officials and politicians. Woody recalls explaining the practicalities of inheritance and shared medical decisions to a cabinet minister in a previous government. “He was asking, ‘Why do you really need this?’ And I said, ‘Well, Sir – you know, a lot of your civil servants are living with partners who have no spousal rights or benefits.’ And he said, ‘Oh, is there a lot of them?’ And I answered, ‘Oh yes, there’s a lot.’ ”
Woody had first-hand experience of the kind of problems that can arise. He once badly injured his knee in a bicycle accident on a trip to Laos and had to be evacuated back to Bangkok, but doctors in Thailand would not discuss his treatment with Ote, as he was not family. “It’s crazy, excluding the person I share my life with.”
The law “had to catch up”, Woody says. “And in Thailand, when we shift, we shift together as a country.”
At the offices of Woody World, the couple’s Bangkok-based media business that has expanded from chat shows into international events, summits and festivals, they reflect on what it means to have achieved their “big dream”.
“Truthfully, I had never expected to see this in my lifetime,” Ote says. “I still get chills when I talk about it.”
After nearly 20 years together, they discuss the joys and challenges of their relationship as “a couple doing couple things and having couple problems”, in Ote’s words. Woody expands: “For me, being in a relationship and making it sustainable is the toughest task in life, but it is a task so worth pursuing as I can’t imagine being or living with anyone else. That takes work and understanding to accept who we are. It’s not a gay or straight thing.” Any advice? “If you have the option, separate bathrooms! You don’t need to share everything, right?”
They don’t take credit for changing the law. They put that down to the work of their “heroes”, the activists who battled tirelessly for years – especially during the conservative administrations of the 2014 coup leader General Prayuth Chan-ocha, when hope seemed bleak. Prayuth ran the country for nine years, first as junta chief and then as prime minister of a pro-military coalition following elections in 2019.
His government had proposed a civil partnership bill as a compromise, citing opposition to same-sex marriage among Thailand’s Muslim minority – about 6 per cent of its 71 million people. Campaigners rejected the proposal as a sell-out that would formalise second-class citizen status.
The old guard clung to power in 2019, but the election reflected a fast-changing social climate in Thailand as Future Forward, a new progressive party, shocked the establishment with a strong showing.
A year later came a galvanising episode – huge youth-led pro-democracy protests following the dissolution of Future Forward for alleged financial misdemeanours. LGBT groups played a leading role, with pro-equality slogans prominent in the crowds.
The demonstrations petered out under pandemic restrictions and a slew of arrests. “But LGBT rights and same-sex marriage were now on the national agenda,” says Mookdapa Yangyuenpradorn, a campaigner with the human rights group Fortify Rights. “The older generation started to hear about it, parents asked their children about it.”
The breakthrough came with the 2023 elections. The two most successful parties – Move Forward (successor to Future Forward) and Pheu Thai, the populist party overthrown in coups in 2014 and, in a previous iteration, 2006 – both strongly backed marriage equality.
Srettha Thavisin, a former property tycoon chosen as the new Pheu Thai prime minister, delivered the final momentum, pushing the policy as a government priority as well as a personal mission. When it finally came to a vote last year, the law sailed through both houses of parliament with large majorities, backed even by conservative pro-military parties that recognised how society had changed.
Srettha heavily pitched the economic rationale as well as the moral case for reform. Thailand was already a magnet for LGBT visitors from across the world, particularly those from nearby Asian states with much more restrictive traditions and laws.
In predominantly Muslim countries such as Malaysia, Indonesia and Pakistan, LGBT people face overt discrimination at best and often criminal punishment. In Brunei the penalty for homosexuality is technically death by stoning.
Singapore repealed the British colonial-era law criminalising gay sex in 2022 but changed its constitution at the same time to define marriage as heterosexual. In China, while homosexuality is legal, the government has banned the portrayal of same-sex relationships and “effeminate men” on television.
The Philippines has a large and visible LGBT community. Several cities have granted rights to same-sex couples and an antidiscrimination law is under debate in parliament, but the power of the Roman Catholic church means there is no apparent prospect of marriage equality.
Last April Nepal’s supreme court recognised same-sex unions, but there are no accompanying rights for inheritance, tax and medical decisions. Taiwan set the precedent in Asia, becoming the first place in the continent to pass full marriage equality rights in 2019. Thailand followed, with the king signing the bill into law, giving it royal assent, in September.
Srettha has since been removed from office by the courts for appointing to his cabinet a lawyer with a criminal conviction, but his successor, Paetongtarn Shinawatra – daughter of Thaksin Shinawatra, the Pheu Thai patriarch and former Manchester City owner – is also a strong backer of the marital equality cause.
The Thai government is now seeking to lure an even greater market share of LGBT tourists and retirees. Although the civil code requires that one or both spouses must be Thai for the official marriage registration (be they heterosexual or same-sex), party organisers on holiday islands such as Phuket and Koh Samui are already reporting a surge of inquiries for wedding celebrations for foreign same-sex couples. In a survey released in November, the travel booking platform Agoda predicted that the country could receive a £1.6 billion (NZ$3.4b) boost from “rainbow tourism” in the wake of marriage equality – much needed for a tourism-dependent economy that has been in the doldrums since the pandemic.
Waaddao Chumaporn is a veteran of the marriage equality battle and founder of Bangkok Pride. She believes the delays and setbacks the campaigners encountered may have ultimately benefited their cause, as the Thai public was won round to the principle of same-sex marriage rather than have it imposed on them. “During that time we raised awareness and worked with the public. The result is this law from the people. We are a small team of campaigners but this is a success for the many.”
She is aiming to sign up 1448 Thai couples for a mass wedding celebration on January 23 – reflecting the article number of the redefined civil code. She is also planning to marry her own partner, though they will hold off until later this year. “First let’s get through January,” she says.
Among those registering unions this month will be Ploynaplus Chirasukon and Kwanporn Kongpetch, a lesbian couple known as Plus and Gaye, both aged 32. “Legislation is the doorway to greater acceptance. But that door didn’t open with a red carpet and rose petals, it’s a door that we had to kick down,” Gaye says.
A decade ago, even while gossip swirled that some famous celebrities and politicians were closeted, there was little open representation of LGBT people in public life or the entertainment world, beyond katoeys (often referred to as “ladyboys”) playing cabaret or comedic roles.
“Visitors would say, ‘You have ladyboy shows, very good,’ ‘Pattaya and Patpong very good,’” Gaye says, referring to the raunchy nightlife entertainment hubs. “Thailand is a diverse country and visitors saw that. But the reality was not always very good for us living here. So now it’s very important for our acceptance that this has become the law of the land, signed by the king. Thai people respect that.”
Being gay in Thailand is a nuanced experience. I meet Plus and Gaye at their modern condominium block near Bangkok’s Chao Phraya River. It was here that they bought their first home and moved in together full time, four years ago. They first met as friends at high school 17 years ago, when Plus turned to Gaye for advice about an aggressive boyfriend.
They are, in their words, a “tom” and “dee” (from the English “tomboy” and “lady”), Thai parlance for a lesbian couple who define themselves by roles and styles commonly considered masculine and feminine. On the day we meet Gaye is dressed in a striped collarless shirt and plain dark trousers, her hair in a short boyish cut, while Plus is wearing a blue patterned dress with heart-shaped buttons, her long hair tied with a blue ribbon.
Gaye already knew she was a “tom” in her teens, but kept her hair long and dress feminine as “social expectations required us to camouflage in the form of ‘a typical girl’”. When she stopped wearing make-up and cut her hair shorter she encountered disapproval at home and at school.
She lived in a multigenerational conservative household – her family ran a watch repair business – with grandparents and older relatives who struggled to understand, fretted about tradition and reputation, and worried for her future.
It was hard to speak out like that, but we wanted to talk about our lives.
At school the couple faced mocking from boys in the corridors, while some teachers – “always the male ones”, Gaye notes – forced them to sit in separate classrooms. “If we were out walking in a mall we would hear derogatory stuff, not always downright vulgar, but insulting and demeaning slang. People in those days didn’t even realise those terms were offensive,” says Plus, whose parents owned a restaurant and grocery.
It was a tough start, but Gaye would buy roses each day for Plus and they were trailblazers, giving an interview to Thailand’s first lesbian magazine as teenage sweethearts. “It was hard to speak out like that, but we wanted to talk about our lives,” Plus says. “It made us stronger.”
Attitudes and treatment improved when they went to university and began their careers – Plus as a graphic designer, Gaye a pastry chef. Their families came first to accept and later embrace the relationship. Both sets of parents refer to the pair as their “daughters”. “Our families have witnessed us going through all the challenges, the ups and downs, so they have fully accepted our relationship and love,” Plus says.
But at work she still sometimes hears comments such as “What a waste!” and “You deserve a man”. One former female friend cut her off because “she was afraid I might hit on her. So yes, there are still people who don’t seem to understand this at all.”
And all the time there were reminders that their union had no legal status. When Plus needed hospital treatment two years ago she had to receive a medical consent from her mother as next of kin. “It was like I was a kid again, it was ridiculous that my partner, the most significant person in my life, could not sign,” she says.
After registering their marriage this month Plus and Gaye are planning a wedding party in April. “We’d not been sure whether we wanted a big celebration, but it was my mother who said, ‘This is once in a lifetime, make it memorable,’ ” Plus says.
The day will begin with a traditional ceremony, exchanging symbolic offerings such as banana sapling, sugarcane and sweet desserts, before guests pour water over the garlanded couple’s outstretched palms – a Thai wedding rite.
For many LGBT couples, the right to adopt is the most notable breakthrough. Gaye and Plus have talked about adopting, but want to secure their financial footing before making any decision.
Woody and Ote, meanwhile, are happy to lavish attention on their five “lovely” nieces and nephews. “We are extremely happy that adoption is part of the law,” Woody says. “Personally, we have decided that we don’t want to have any kids of our own.”
They are looking forward to their big party in March in a Bangkok concert hall, which just 12 days earlier will host a Kylie Minogue show. It will be attended by family and friends, activists and artists, celebrities and political leaders – probably including a prime minister or two.
“The party is our chance to invite everyone who made this happen to say thank you,” Woody says. “We owe a huge debt to everyone who’s been pushing for so many years. These are our heroes, who lived and breathed every day to create change.”
“You know, when I look back,” Ote says, “we are really blessed for the chance to have our wedding two times.”
Written by: Philip Sherwell
© The Times of London