An Auckland man convicted of strangling his partner will be monitored ‘like a hawk’ by a judge who said it was only by luck he had not killed her and she worried he could kill in future if he does not change his ways. She is sick of seeing strangulation cases before her and is desperate for people to realise the consequences of their actions, writes Anna Leask.
Emily and Pete (not their real names) had been in a relationship for 18 months and it was early on when she began to feel unsafe and scared of him.
But, due to his threats, she feared what would happen if she disclosed the abuse.
In January 2022, Emily was assaulted at least three times - Pete ripped her hair from her scalp in clumps, pushed her to the floor and screamed and shouted at her as he stood over her.
In the final assault, he bent down and put his hands around her neck, squeezing briefly, relaxing his grip then strangling her for at least 30 seconds.
Emily found it hard to breathe. She thought she was going to die.
Afterwards, Emily knew she had to go to the police.
Emily made a number of allegations relating to violence in her relationship, spanning much of the time she was with Pete.
“It was just horrible,” said Emily.
“He treated me really badly … everyone thought I was mental for staying … It was completely messed up.”
Police investigated and charged him with only three offences - assault with intent to injure, intentionally impeding Emily’s breathing by applying pressure to her neck and injuring her with intent to injure.
Pete initially denied the offending but earlier this year pleaded guilty to the charges.
He was sentenced in the Auckland District Court by Judge Claire Ryan in October.
“It is good luck rather than good management that strangulation for 30 seconds did not kill her,” said Judge Ryan.
“People have died because they have been strangled for less time. The minute you place your hands around someone’s neck and squeeze, you risk killing them - let that sink in.
“I am tired of hearing about the cowardly and bullying acts of strangulation … Strangulation is very serious.”
“[Emily] has been diagnosed with PTSD in relation to the offending … it is common after strangulation and related family violence assaults.
“She had to take time off her job due to injuries she received from your offending. She had to cover up with a scarf to hide the bruising you caused from (her colleagues) ... [she] is not the first or the last person to file a similar victim impact statement after strangulation.”
Pete wrote letters to the court and Emily ahead of sentencing, proffering “disgust” and “revulsion” about how he had treated her.
He claimed that drugs and alcohol were a “contributing factor” in his offending - but said his substance issues were not an “excuse”.
Judge Ryan was sceptical about the apologies.
“I receive such letters regularly from people who are about to go to jail and who are pleading with me in eloquent and persuasive language not to imprison them.
“Words mean nothing unless you are prepared to put the mahi behind them.
“You need to decide whether you ... grow up and start to treat the women in your life with more respect, to stop raising your fists when life does not go well, and to give up your methamphetamine and your alcohol.
“Until you do those things, I am going to be seeing you again and again.
“I can wag my finger and lecture you, I can tell you off, I can plead … but until you decide to do more than talk the talk and actually walk the walk, you are just going to come back here again and again.
“In addition, the statistics show that now you have strangled an intimate partner, you are at a high risk of killing someone close to you - so, you can be that person in the High Court facing a murder charge and ‘so, so sorry’; or you can be the person who can break that chain of abuse and do something better with your life.”
Pete has a previous family violence conviction from 2012 for assaulting another woman.
“Police have had to come to your house because somebody there has called them, or a next-door neighbour has done so, 26 times and nine in the last two years,” Judge Ryan said.
“The police have served four police safety orders on you which means they required you to go away and give your partner some space on four separate occasions.
“I accept that these are not convictions ... but they provide some insight into the way you treat your intimate partners.”
Pete has also had three protection orders granted against him in 2014, 2015 and 2016.
“To say that you have clearly had issues with family violence is an understatement,” said Judge Ryan.
“Many victims of family violence do not want to complain to police and press charges. They think that if they love the person, they can change them.
“They think that if their violent partner can only ‘do rehab’ they can turn their lives around. You need more than that. You have been abusing partners for some time.”
Pete vowed he was committed to getting help and completing rehab - promising Emily at a Restorative Justice meeting he would turn his life around.
Judge Ryan questioned how genuine that promise was.
“You were on electronically monitored bail for over 400 days. What rehabilitation did you do then? None.
“You started to do rehabilitation in prison, but doesn’t everyone who wants their sentence to be reduced accordingly? You will need to do a lot more work.”
Judge Ryan said his promise was also at odds with what he told a pre-sentence report writer.
He said his offending was “exaggerated” by Emily, that he was trying to protect himself from her and that he “accidentally pushed her over”.
“You pleaded guilty to impeding her breathing intentionally - not accidentally,” said Judge Ryan.
“You do not impede breathing by simply pushing somebody over. You minimised your appalling behaviour and tried to find excuses.”
A cultural report detailed how Pete grew up amid alcoholic parents and his father beating his mother and how, after the sudden death of a sibling, he “coped with grief by spiralling into excessive drug-taking and alcohol consumption”.
Judge Ryan said it was clear the offender was “exposed to a family environment of perpetuating alcohol abuse, intergenerational domestic and physical violence” that had “propelled” him into offending.
She said changing his “skewed view” and behaviour would be a “lifelong” task.
“My question is this: are you up for it? Are you strong enough, are you courageous enough? Do you have enough mana ... Your past behaviour says no, but it may well be that if you get a chance, you will embrace change.”
Before handing down her final sentence, Judge Ryan took a moment to remind Pete again how dangerous his actions were - and that strangulation was “an important risk factor for a future fatal attack” by offenders like him.
“Victims of family violence who have been strangled have seven times the risk of going on to be killed than those who have suffered other forms of violence but not strangulation.
“It characteristically leaves few marks or signs, sometimes even when it has been life-threatening. That presents unique challenges for prosecution and contributes to the dangerousness of strangulation being underestimated and the perpetrators not being held appropriately accountable.
“An abuser who strangles a victim may not be intending to kill, but is demonstrating that he can kill. As the victim fears for her life and is unable to effectively resist, strangulation ‘induces behavioural and emotional reactions that facilitate coercive control’.
“Strangulation … is a tactic of control and abuse, unlike choking. Strangulation is a powerful method of coercion and control. It is an expression of an abuser’s ability and willingness to take their victims’ lives at any time and to communicate that message to them.
“That is why it is so insidious, why it is so serious, why it is so cowardly and why it is so dangerous.”
After considering all of the information provided about the offence and offender and hearing Emily’s victim impact statement, Judge Ryan sentenced Pete to seven months’ home detention with a further seven months of post-release conditions.
She would judicially monitor his entire sentence.
While his crimes had been “disgraceful, appalling, cowardly and dangerous” she was prepared to give him a chance to become a better man.
“If you put so much as one toenail out of line, I do not care what the excuse is, I am jailing you - so you need to understand that I am watching you like a hawk,” she said.
Emily told the Herald her experience had been “horrible”.
She said the court process was “completely messed up” and she was “disgusted” that he was granted home detention.
“It left me feeling cold, it’s completely messed up.
“He’s actually going to hurt somebody one day - fortunately it won’t be me.”
Emily said she forgave Pete and genuinely wanted him to be rehabilitated. But she did not believe he would do that outside prison.
“It’s a disaster waiting to happen. Him staying with his family … I’m worried, I don’t think he can better himself when he’s in that environment. I worry he will go back to his old ways.”
Emily decided to share her story so other people might recognise the signs of coercive control and domestic violence and seek help before it was too late.
“He has previously told me that he would kill me if I ever spoke to the police … I really believe that he is capable of doing this.”
Family violence increases in December and January and victim support organisations say this year will be no different.
“We would like to think the holidays are a time where everyone can be kind to each other, however the reality is very frightening for many women and children across Aotearoa,” said Women’s Refuge chief executive Dr Ang Jury ONZM.
“We encourage anyone who is scared, unsure, or just has a question to please contact us.”
Shine services delivery manager Daisy Ta’ufo’ou said the festive season can be “a time of dread for people” as the risk of family violence increases as financial, family and other pressures ramp up.
“We receive more family violence referrals across central Auckland at this time of year.”
Family violence - do you need help?
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger call the police on 111 - or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you
If you are being abused, remember it’s not your fault. Violence is never okay.
For more help:
- Women’s Refuge: 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 www.womensrefuge.org.nz
- Shine: 0508 744 633 www.2shine.org.nz
- Shakti: Providing specialist cultural services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and their children. 0800 742 584
- Ministry of Justice: www.justice.govt.nz/family-justice/domestic-violence
- National Network of Stopping Violence: www.nnsvs.org.nz
- White Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men’s violence towards women www.whiteribbon.org.nz