KEY POINTS:
Before I get on to today's topic, I want to share a quick thought on Wellington.
Since I started this blog, various people have emailed me and told me the answers to all my problems lie in the Windy City.
Crap bars? Come to Wellington. Unfriendly people? Come to Wellington. Over-priced everything? Come to Wellington.
Yesterday, I took them up on it.
Well not really. But I had to go to a journalism seminar down there so I took the opportunity to sample a couple of central Wellington's offerings.
After the short time I spent in the city - Breakfast at Fidels and an afterwork drink at The Matterhorn - I have to say, I was pretty impressed.
Wellington has a character and soul that is really quite appealing. Perhaps a shift is in order . . .
Anyway, back to the business of the day: Long-distance relationships. And cops.
A reader emailed me with a concern. Her boyfriend of six months has just moved to Wellington to attend police college. She is in Auckland.
Since he left, she says she has been getting mixed messages from people about whether they should stay together.
She is sceptical of long-distance relationships and is "petrified being apart means he will forget about me gradually".
She is also scared that when he returns, he will be on night shifts and she will never get to see him.
So, she wants to know should she cut her losses and run or stick with it? And is she being selfish for worrying about him being married to his job?
For once, I am actually in a position to share an informed opinion on this matter, as my brother (and former flatmate of two years) is a cop. And I have witnessed, first hand, a very similar situation.
Firstly, the long distance thing. Don't sweat it. He'll be back in four months. Plus, he should get leave to come home for at least a couple of weekends.
It's only Wellington - not another planet. You can talk to him whenever you like and that should be enough to remind him that you still exist.
People have survived much longer and much further-separated relationships than this. At least you know he is definitely coming back.
Which brings us to the police part.
Having lived with a cop, fresh out of police college, I know what horrendous hours they work.
There will be times when you won't see him for days on end. And when you do see him, chances are he'll be extremely irritable and grumpy from working such antisocial hours.
Cops are also exposed to all kinds of stressful and distressing situations. Which will take their toll on him, and in turn, you.
It takes a pretty exceptional person to put up with that. Especially as it's not a temporary situation. For as long as he is in the police, this will be his life.
I'm not saying you should jump ship. Ride it out and see how it goes. But you're not silly for thinking about it and raising the issue.
The fact is, most cops end up with other cops for a reason - because they are the only ones who really understand what it's like.
My brother is engaged to another cop and even she gets annoyed at the crappy hours he works.
Finally, you said people are giving you mixed messages on whether you should stay together. Unless those people are you or your boyfriend, it's got nothing to do with them.
Nobody knows the ins and outs of a relationship except for the two people in it. Which is why you're the only person who can figure out what you need to do.