OPINION
It is a truth universally acknowledged that humans want to be hot, without putting in any work. Healthy too, but mostly hot.
Multibillion-dollar beauty and wellness industries have been built off the back of this insatiable human drive - and, global recession or not, the dollars just keep rolling in.
That appetite is reflected in media, which has embraced the wellness trend with a steady stream of content designed to have us living our longest, healthiest, happiest, sexiest and most mindful lives.
I work in media, so I consume this kind of content more than most people. You’d think that’d make me a jaded cynic and immune to the hard wellness sell. You’d be absolutely wrong. I’ve never met a lifestyle listicle I didn’t love - not least because they keep me in work.
We do publish a lot of them, though. Which is why my boss thought it’d be illuminating for one of us to actually have a go at practising what we preach. How about, she suggested, collating all the health and wellness stories we’ve published over a month and following the experts’ advice. Kind of an inside guinea pig job.
A quick scan of the month’s lifestyle archives proved sobering - literally. Gut microbes are in, alcohol is very much not. This was not an encouraging start.
By then though, I’d sort of said yes so I was stuck. Here’s how my week of model wellness went.
Food
On an average day at the Herald, we probably publish one or two stories about diet. But here’s the thing - and please don’t let this put you off reading all of them voraciously - they say similar things.
They haven’t always said similar things, for which we should be grateful. Back in the ’80s, fat was the enemy and chain smoking was a legitimate weight-loss strategy. Now we’re all about “health” (because it’s unfashionable to talk about diets and weight, at least overtly). Protein is the new carbs, and carbs are the new fat. Fat is OK again, in moderation.
Also - and stop me if you’ve heard this one before - fruit and veges are good for you. So good that, according to currently in-vogue experts like British gut guru Professor Tim Spector, five plus a day just doesn’t cut it any more. Variety is also critical, Spector says, because different plant foods boost the gut microbiome, which promotes good health - both physical and mental. He recommends we aim for at least 30 different plant foods per week (including seeds, nuts, grains and spices).
Alongside plant foods, protein is having its time in the sun. It’s important because it keeps you feeling fuller for longer, therefore helping to maintain a healthy weight. Nobody quite knows what a healthy weight is from person to person, but let’s leave that aside for now.
The one diet that brings all this together - and, helpfully, is backed up by actual peer-reviewed research carried out on actual humans - is the Mediterranean diet. Officially good for heart health, weight management and “protecting against oxidative stress” (no idea, sorry).
This all seemed like the kind of advice I could road-test.
So here was my menu for the week: 30-plus plant foods, plus at least one direct source of “good” bacteria per day (kimchi, probiotic yoghurt, kombucha, etc), plus the recommended protein allowance for a woman of my age (including at breakfast), broadly following Mediterranean diet guidelines. Also no highly processed food, for fairly obvious reasons you can read all about here.
The pros
- This is pretty much how I like to eat anyway, so I didn’t have to change my shopping habits radically or force anything down.
- I’ve never measured my protein portions before - it turns out I should be eating a lot more. With the recommended daily amount (about 50g, according to Google) split between breakfast, lunch and dinner, I didn’t snack as much and I had more - and more consistent - energy.
- Thirty-plus is easier than it sounds. I started off my week-long health kick by noting all the different plant foods I ate. It was boring, so I stopped when I hit 30 on day five.
The cons
- I felt better with more protein on board, but I didn’t love eating it. I’m not a big meat-eater (for no particular reason, it’s just not my favourite) and I’m mildly repulsed by eggs. I love legumes and pulses, but they require prep. Oily fish is ... a lot, especially in the morning.
- The Med diet is big on fruit, veg, wholegrains, olive oil and lean protein. All delicious things, but also quite expensive - especially at the moment. I was out of healthy, protein-rich breakfast ideas so I had a Google around and came up with suggestions like ‘burrata and avocado on wholegrain sourdough toast’. Sure thing, I’ll just remortgage the house.
- It’s best to cut right back on salt if you want to avoid high blood pressure, the experts say (and you do want to avoid it, for all the reasons listed here). The thing is, I absolutely love salt - much more than I love sugar. My blood pressure’s fine for now, which is fortunate because a life without Maldon is a life I’m not ready to contemplate.
- The only sweet treat that gets a limited tick from the experts is dark chocolate (at least 70 per cent cocoa). It’s fine, but also a bit boring. I’m pretty good about sugar, but sometimes a lady needs some e-numbers and high-fructose corn syrup. I broke the rules three times on my week-long health kick and I’m not sorry.
- Novelty items: Most of the diet advice we publish seems pretty sensible to me, but there’s always a bit of silliness that slips through. Prof Spector suggesting we “sunbathe” our mushrooms before eating them, for example. Life is too short, Tim.
The verdict
I’m on board with most of this food advice for the long term - but then I pretty much already was, I can cook and I can afford groceries. I’m lucky to be able to “invest” in my health.
The protein thing was enlightening - I will try to eat more.
Alcohol
First up, a confession. Like many middle-aged, middle-class women, I drink a bit too much. I don’t drink every night - not even close - but I’m a sucker for the two-wine turnaround when I do. As much as it pains me to type this, I’m prone to binge drinking. (If you’re a woman who consumes more than four standard drinks per occasion - or five for men - you are too.)
This is something that became crystal clear to me over our various Covid lockdowns, so I’ve been making concerted efforts to cut down.
Work helped with this, since I couldn’t move without tripping over an article listing the grim health risks associated with alcohol. The consensus today seems to be that no amount of alcohol is “safe”, but “low-risk” drinking is the next-best option.
That means no more than 10 standard drinks per week for women and 15 for men, spread over several days - preferably with booze-free days between.
So, for the purposes of my week-long wellness experiment, I allowed myself six glasses of wine total, with at least four days booze-free. I also switched to red wine from white, since the only health positive mentioned in any of our articles (and even this one’s arguable) is the polyphenols in red grape varieties.
Then, just to be sure I was playing by the rules, I measured out a standard drink - that’s 100ml of table wine at 12.5 per cent alcohol by volume, according to the Ministry of Health.
Shocker. It turns out that my definition of a standard drink and the government’s does not tally. My “standard pour” is about 175ml - almost double the official measure. So for every night I was congratulating myself for sticking to two drinks post-lockdown, I was actually downing nearly four. Dispiriting, if you’ll pardon the pun.
Pros:
- I feel better - physically and mentally. Mornings are easier, my mood’s more stable, my weight came down a few kilos and stayed down when I cut back on alcohol post-pandemic. Presumably my heart’s grateful too.
- It’s cheaper.
Cons:
- Still processing the standard unit thing. Seriously? That’s a whole glass of wine?
- Red wine gives me a headache. Even one measly standard unit.
- I quite like being a little bit pissed. I know this isn’t a fashionable or healthy thing to admit, but there it is.
The verdict
I’d love to argue with the health experts, but I can’t - I feel better when I drink less. I’ll try to stick to 10-ish standard drinks per week maximum (remembering that that’s five-ish of my Gen X pours), with at least three alcohol-free days. It’s back to white wine for me though.
Exercise
Hardcore cardio is the refined carbs of fitness - that is to say, very much out of fashion.
The fitness advice I had to follow for the week was broadly focused on two areas: strength training and what I guess you could describe as mindful exercise - practices like yoga, pilates and tai chi where breathing is a key component. So less sweaty running around the block (hard on the joints; hard to sustain), and more slow, focused strength and flexibility work - especially important for midlifers, apparently, because we start to lose muscle mass from about age 50 (as well as elasticity and tone, joy).
I’m going to be insufferable here and admit that I had a head-start on this bit of the challenge too. I do pilates a few times a week (20-30 minutes per session), strength training a few times a week (ditto), and I walk the dog every day. I started this routine during lockdown out of sheer desperation and boredom, and I’ve stuck with it for a couple of years now.
I do all my exercise at home, with some cheap gear I bought online and the assistance of a lovely lady on YouTube called Nicole (who is not paying me to say that, sadly).
Pros
- Mental health: This is the biggest one for me, and the main reason I exercise. Without a good workout most days, I’m prone to anxiety. I find the focused breathing in pilates especially good after a tough day. I’ve done a bit of yoga and I like it too.
- Fitness: I’m nearly 50 and I can run up a hill, plus I can lift heavy things and do a day’s hard physical work. I’m fitter and stronger now than I was before I had kids. I feel the need to add here - because I believe in reality and I don’t believe in depressing and dangerous body standards - that I don’t look like I did before I had kids. No matter how much I work out, I never will, because that’s not how ageing works. I’m OK with that.
- Flexibility: I was surprised by how much my flexibility improved a few months into my exercise routine. Everyday things like turning around to back the car feel easier.
- Fewer niggles: I have a dodgy neck and a dodgy hip thanks to years of carrying toddlers around. Both are much better since I started working out regularly. I credit the pilates, which is big on warm-up and warm-down stretches.
- Cost: My home gym consists of a 10kg weight bag (about $30) and a yoga mat ($20). I went to the gym for a while and that was great, but I prefer working out alone - and it’s cheaper.
- Time: I’m as busy as the next person, but it’s pretty easy to find 30 minutes a day.
- Badassery: There’s something strangely gratifying about strength training when you’re a woman of a certain age. I hate the word “empowering”, but that’s how it feels. My kid bought me a pair of weightlifing gloves for Mother’s Day and they make me feel like Linda Hamilton in Terminator. I’d wear them to the office if I could get away with it.
Cons
- My knees make revolting noises when I do squats.
The verdict
I’m sold.
Sleep
I might have had a headstart in the food and exercise departments, but I am an absolute sleep disaster zone.
I’ve never been great at it, but then I had kids, and then I had perimenopause. The upshot is that I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since the year 2000.
According to the experts, though, I haven’t been setting myself up for success. Here’s what they advise:
- Sleeping pills aren’t a great idea, especially for the long term.
- Bedrooms should be for sleeping and sex only - not, for example, talking on the phone, working out, watching brainless YouTube videos and paying bills (guilty).
- You should go to sleep and get up at the same time every day.
- No devices before (or in) bed.
- No boozing before bed.
- No caffeine before bed.
- No eating before bed.
- No workouts before bed.
- If you wake in the night and can’t get back to sleep in 15 minutes, get up and do something else calming (like read a book).
- Expose yourself to morning light as soon as you can.
- Try not to stress about your sleeplessness.
So for a whole week, I did exactly what I was told. It did not go well.
Pros
- I can now whinge about my sleeplessness with impunity.
Cons
- Don’t come for my bedroom: I live in a small house with a tall, loud, male family and a needy dog (also male). My bedroom is my one private, peaceful space. Suggesting I give it up for everything but sleeping and sex is borderline cruelty and it shall not stand.
- The 2am shift: I have no problems getting to sleep, but I almost always wake between 1am and 3am and stare at the ceiling for an hour or two. The experts advise against ceiling-staring, so I got up instead and tried reading. Result: I read two books in a week, but I did not sleep more.
- Device confusion: Does a Kindle count? What about reading on an iPad switched to night mode? YouTube videos of people camping in the rain are scientifically proven* to make me sleepier than reading, so can I have a device exemption? If I have to move to the couch to read so I don’t wake up my partner by switching on a light, isn’t that more disruptive than staring at the ceiling for an hour?
* not scientifically proven
The verdict
I’m beyond help - at least as far as the standard advice goes.
But I want to add an important caveat for other midlife women out there. A few years ago, I added to my crappy sleeping repertoire by waking an extra time in the middle of the night absolutely drenched in sweat. It felt awful and meant I was constantly stripping the bed and washing sheets.
Finally - after many appointments and a whole lot of hassling, because women’s health issues are still apparently a mystery to 90 per cent of health professionals - I was prescribed hormone replacement therapy.
The night sweats stopped almost immediately, and within a couple of weeks my overall sleep improved. As an added bonus, the daytime bouts of red-hot rage subsided.
So, if you’re sleepless and menopausal (or unaccountably furious and menopausal), I can recommend a good dose of estrogen - under medical supervision, obviously.
- Daya Willis is the NZ Herald’s Premium engagement editor