Gay marriage in India: I am an Indian lesbian living in NZ - let me have a big Indian wedding

Auckland couple Akula Sharma and Sanura Wheatley-Stewart are campaigning for marriage equality in India.

OPINION:

Why is it so hard for my home country to comprehend that I, a woman, love another woman and want to spend my life with her?

In the coming days, the Supreme Court of India will decide the fate of same-sex marriage legislation.

Petitions led by 18 LGBTQIA+ couples were heard in the top court this past week, with central government in strong opposition, claiming it is a call for Parliament to make.

Arguments from both sides are being heard by a panel of five judges and a verdict is expected to be reached in the following months.

There was hope in the hearts of thousands, if not millions, of LGBTQIA+ people in India and around the world after a landmark ruling by the Supreme Court saw homosexuality being decriminalized in 2018.

However, same-sex marriage and relations continue to bear the brunt of societal discrimination.

I am a cisgender Indian lesbian who is a resident of Aotearoa New Zealand.

I have always loved women. I actually was not familiar with LGBTQIA+ terms until I came of age and was labelled with one.

The first time I was called a dyke was in Auckland six days after I moved here with my brother in 2017, aged 18.

Akula Sharma and her partner Sanura Ella Wheatley-Stewart.

Very recently, my beautiful partner Sanura Ella Wheatley-Stewart said yes when I asked her to marry me.

We are planning a lovely ceremony in Auckland, but I want to take all seven sacred vows and throw a big, fat Indian wedding - and even though I am here, I can’t.

No Indian priest would ever help us here.

My parents, who still live in India, and other elders are still on a journey to understand Sanura and I as a couple. They have never witnessed a same-sex relationship, so it’s new for them.

If gay marriage is legalised back home, it would have an effect on the community’s mindset worldwide.

I don’t want to choose between my home, my family and my love.

And even if I marry her in New Zealand, it would mean nothing when I take her to India.

She would not be my wife, but a tourist. All her rights as a spouse will vanish.

If something happens to me, she can’t sign off on medical decisions.

If we wanted to adopt a child there, we would need to be married.

If I retire, she wouldn’t get a pension.

Gay marriage has been legal in New Zealand for 10 years and for eight years in the US, where Sanura was born before she moved here with her mum when she was five.

Many of my friends have recently gone back home and had their dream wedding. I want that too.

I don’t want to be labelled abnormal when love is nothing but normal.

Auckland couple Akula Sharma and Sanura Ella Wheatley-Stewart are engaged to be married.

I want to ride on a horse, go to my partner’s doorstep and ask for her hand in marriage.

I want to share her like breaking news to the entire world, instead of our relationship being a secret best kept hidden behind closed doors.

I want to be able to take her to my hometown and make her a part of my large whānau. I want her to feel like she belongs.

I want to walk with her in the sugarcane fields and see the sunset from the top of the water tanks.

I want to be able to shower her with numerous kisses in the bazaar (market) without feeling scared or with fear someone might kill us.

I want her to have the same legal status as one would have if they’d married a man.

I want to have a family and raise kids with her.

Those opposing my right to marry have said to the Chief Justice of India that marriage is between a man and a woman for the purpose of procreation and that this is the “sacred Indian family” concept.

How can this be?

Love is not just about what one does in the bedroom. And marriage is not just about making babies.

Has my home nation accepted that marriage is just a mere means of reproduction?

This is a country that is home to the biggest monument of love - the Taj Mahal, built by Emperor Shah Jahan for his beloved wife, Nur. It stands tall even today and will for generations to come.

Love is a tale as old as time. And marriage is a union of two souls. It is an offer of a peaceful mind in a world full of chaos. It is a life-long commitment.

My country has always said yes to love - so why are we still here debating whether two humans can marry or not?

Akula Sharma is a reporter for the New Zealand Herald.