Married At First Sight's
toxic couple Andrew and Cheryl have crashed down in flames and decided to split following a group commitment ceremony filled with eye rolls, accusations and heavy passive aggressive undertones.
On tonight's episode, we witness all the couples feign satisfaction with their life choices and decide to stay with the partner they were matched with through the powers of psychologists, science and that computer Alicia Silverstone's character uses in Clueless to put together her outfits every morning.
But for group outcast Cheryl and jilted groom Andrew, they decide they're done with this modern-day exercise in self mutilation.
"I'm disgusted. I'm just looking forward to telling him how I feel," Cheryl tells us while lashing some illuminator across her cheekbone in the bathroom before heading to the commitment ceremony.
We all know what Cheryl's talking about. It's always such an electric moment when you hit your straps during a breakup and everything you've rehearsed in the bathroom just starts rolling out.
Once they take a seat in front of the experts, psychologist John Aiken turns into Regina George and starts probing them with questions he knows they'll rile up at.
"Do you think that Cheryl hasn't put the work in?" he asks Andrew.
Cheryl jumps in.
"I'M THE ONE WHO INSTIGATED THIS," she says with the same agitation you feel when one of your friends starts telling you to watch House Of Cards even though you were telling them to watch it years ago and they just dismissed it.
Andrew plays the victim.
"I just feel so frustrated that I'm in this situation where I'm prepared to give up so much and all I'm asking for is a decent conversation and I feel like I can't get there with Cheryl," he says.
"I feel like I've been shut down just getting to know Cheryl. That's one of the few signs that screams out to me that Cheryl hasn't put the work in. Or doesn't want to commit to at least getting to know me. I mean, she's not interested. I can't remember the last time she asked how I was to be honest."
It needs to be noted, Cheryl makes some terrific faces tonight.
They bicker about who's been a crappier partner.
"I've just had enough. Had enough of the whole situation," Andrew says.
The infamous "boys' night" is dragged up again. Andrew again plays dumb and refuses to remember anything that went down and then the experts CC Sean in on the email to get him to repeat everything he said at the dinner party the other night.
In perhaps the most accurate call of the series, Cheryl says she reckons Andrew only agreed to come back on the show "just to catch up with people".
It's a fabulous insight and I don't mean to sound so shocked that it came from Cheryl.
Aiken asks Andrew if he played even the smallest part in the breakdown of his marriage to Cheryl. And he doesn't even pretend to graciously take some responsibility.
"I just can't put my finger on it," he says.
Cheryl totally has some thoughts.
It's clear they're both dying to get the F out of this marriage.
But when the experts ask for their decisions, they both lie and say they've done some deep soul searching to reach their decision.
They then both beg to have their fake marriage annulled.
Their wish is granted.
Andrew shows more emotion to that jerk Anthony, embracing him on the way out and whispering in his ear: "Miss you already."
Blind and deaf people buried under ground could sense Andrew and Cheryl's breakup coming a mile away. And the only surprising thing to come out of the commitment ceremony is that Michelle decides to stay with Jesse even though she's not attracted to him at all and has had several meltdowns over the fact she feels nothing for him.
While she visibly shudders at the touch of Jesse, he's still completely oblivious to her severe disinterest.
She wants to breakup and it seems like tonight is the night. In front of the experts, she craps on for 10 minutes, thanking him for being so nice.
She keeps beating around the bush. The words are coming. But she keeps slowly winding her way to the punch. He knows it's coming. We know it's coming. She cries. He cries. Michelle's twin sister Sharon cries.
We've all been in a breakup like this. And eventually, it comes time for Michelle to just say it.
But her decision takes a turn.
"I made a commitment to you that day so I am staying," she reveals.
And with that, Michelle traps herself in a hell of her own making and we retract any scrap of sympathy we've ever felt for her.
Jesse isn't the guy for her. And that's OK. Michelle needs to come to terms with this and accept the fact that, sometimes, even experts and Alicia Silverstone's wardrobe computer occasionally get it wrong.