Jamie Falloon: Is it really that hard to talk about it?

Jesse McPhee wheels in the casket on regional councillor Gary McPhee's hearse-bike. Photo / Andrew Bonallack

What a sad week. Two highly regarded members of the Wairarapa community lost to us.

It certainly puts your own position into context when you feel the challenges that family and friends are dealing with.

This is not an easy column to write as I ask why?

To see tragedy at a point of life where there should ideally be satisfaction and appreciation really makes you wonder what goes through people's minds.

My thoughts go out to the families of these two men but also to those who are lost and may not have been publicly recognised.

You have shown incredible bravery in what is a truly difficult time. Remember to rely on your friends.

As a society we need to really think about how we deal with these tragedies. There is a feeling of stoic individualism out there, especially around middle-aged men.

Is it about the sense of failure driven by the competitive nature of business and life?
Is it about the fear of having to face up to the fact that things will be different once you open up?

Are we just too scared to have the conversation when things get bloody low?

The resources are there and the people involved are great listeners and have the ability to help but they need to be asked.

We know with reflection and tragic experience that the asking is the hardest part, so as friends, family, workmates and acquaintances we need to prompt the conversation.

This is not about psycho-analysing your mates, more about recognising when something seems off and providing a friendly ear.

We all do it, conversations can be pretty shallow: How's the weather? How are you going? And mostly we expect to get back good thanks, or fine, and you?

Did you really get a sense of what they are feeling?

This won't bring back those we have lost but, if your questions, concern and listening helps someone, then that is a huge win going forward.

Does the reporting of these tragedies need to change? We are a small community; do we need sensational headlines about what happened?

Families deserve respect in these troubling times. They are suffering loss and pain and have to deal with this loss every day.

It is with a huge degree of sadness we reflect on the lives of these people, rest in peace Gary and Craig. Our thoughts go with you.