Malcolm Turnbull needed some spicy soup. Clive Palmer was ogling the Peking duck. And Andrew Bolt just wanted to stir the pot.
As if Tony Abbott didn't have enough on his plate trying to sell the world's most unpopular Budget, he is now piggy in the middle of a slanging match between Bolt, his friend and favourite foaming-at-the-mouth columnist, and Turnbull, his Cabinet colleague and "frenemy", as Jason Clare described the Communications Minister in Parliament.
Equally unpalatably, perhaps, as the Prime Minister prepares to meet President Barack Obama in the US next week, American audiences have been chortling about him behind his back, thanks to British comedian John Oliver skewering him on his satirical news programme Last Week Tonight.
The domestic spat began when Turnbull and PUP's Palmer were spotted emerging from Wild Duck, a Chinese restaurant in Canberra, last week. According to Turnbull, it was a "spontaneous" get-together - he was already dining with others, and texted Palmer, an old friend, to invite him.
Bolt, though, was sure he could smell burning. With the Government negotiating with cross-benchers to get its Budget measures through, "why is Malcolm Turnbull wooing Clive Palmer on his own?" he demanded of Abbott in a TV interview last Sunday, adding: "It looks like he's got his eye on your job".
Abbott played things down, but Bolt - who has little love for Turnbull or his left-liberal politics - would not let go. In his News Corp column on Monday, he accused Turnbull - deposed from the Liberal leadership by Abbott by one vote in 2009 - of sending out the "unmistakable message" that if Liberal MPs swapped leaders again, "maybe Palmer will play ball". Bolt also blasted him for launching a parliamentary group of friends of the ABC.
On Monday, Turnbull hit back, describing Bolt's leadership speculation as bordering "on the demented" and "unhinged". Bolt then took to the hated ABC to condemn that "amazingly over-the-top and abusive response", while Turnbull's wife, Lucy, revealed on Q & A that Malcolm had texted her after the dinner, saying he had needed spicy soup to combat the flu.
No one - not even Bolt - believes Turnbull is actively conspiring at the moment to win back the leadership. But after the awful polls recently, Abbott could probably have done without an Essential Media survey yesterday revealing 31 per cent of voters consider Turnbull the "best leader of the Liberal Party", compared with only 18 per cent for him.
Meanwhile, Oliver - who on his HBO show presented clips of Abbott's most embarrassing gaffes, including his remark about "the housewives of Australia ... [doing] the ironing" - can only have rubbed salt in the wound.
Palmer said he had focused on his Peking duck and a much anticipated caramelised banana split. He did remember that he didn't pick up the bill. "I always like a free meal," he said.