Legal brain teaser

A courtroom transcript worth repeating ...

Lawyer: Doctor, before you began the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

Witness: No.

Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure?

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Witness: No.

Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?

Witness: No.

Lawyer: So, it could be possible that the patient was alive when your performed the autopsy?

Witness: No.

Lawyer: How can you be so sure doctor?

Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Lawyer: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

Witness: Yes, it is possible he could've been alive and practising law.

Spear (LOL) a thought for asparagus lovers

"I love tinned asparagus," writes Brian from Tauranga. "Every time I open the can I have to remind myself to open the can from the BOTTOM. That way the precious tips don't mush when I drain the can, or pull the spears of asparagus out.

0"Please Mr Asparagus Packer, turn the can's label upside down. It won't cost you a cent and you'll have a better product and happier customers."

Nominative determinism. Photo / Supplied
Nominative determinism. Photo / Supplied

Pink Floyd's debut single given an exit message

A reader writes: "I'm sure you can picture it, the sad old baby boomer at 60-something, going on YouTube fairly late at night for one of his guilty pleasures, the Floyd's first single Arnold Layne.

"The band are elegantly in various shape hats ... but across the clip is the advertisement for funeral planning. Well, thanks very much social media, having already decided I'm heading 6 foot under, quite soon!"