Dr Tom Mulholland, celebrity physician, died suddenly in the weekend. Photo / Supplied
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Three days on from the sudden loss of my friend, Dr Tom Mulholland, the reality is setting in that he’s gone.
Sometimes we don’t realise how important people are until they aren’t there anymore. It’s like our lives are a fabric, and it is the people we love and care for who make up the threads.
Tom was a big thread in my life, I didn’t realise how big, and in the lives of so many.
Tom was a big person in all ways. Sure, he had a large physical presence, but it was his personality and spirit that were the most powerful; Tom would bring light to every encounter.
And Tom actually cared, possibly too much in the end.
As a doctor, he cared about every single patient he saw, and it was his caring at the sharp end of the stick working in emergency departments that led him to want to go upstream, to be the metaphorical ambulance at the top of the cliff. He decided to take the ambulance at the top of the cliff metaphor literally and retrofitted an old Chevrolet ambulance to travel the country to instil the importance of prevention over cure; Tom was a man of action.
And Tom was insightful, generally in a humorous way. He pioneered and wrote books on Healthy Thinking, and they were so good and practical that I gave them to all my staff. A beautiful lesson Tom taught me was the power of mindfulness. Being an emergency physician is a relentless and challenging job, but he told me that he would always find ways to be mindful. Even when all hell was breaking loose, he would still have to pee, so, he could be mindful of his wonderful kidneys producing urine.
Since Tom died, many people have messaged me. One particularly poignant message was to ‘give up trying to find the reason, only two people know that, him and his maker, and they’ll never tell.’
That is right to an extent, we will never know what the final straw was, but what I do know is that none of us can care for others indefinitely. We must take care of ourselves, and we must learn to let go of the things that we can’t control. I know this is particularly hard for healthcare professionals, which is why it’s so important for them.
Tom is not the only doctor to have died suddenly in tragic circumstances, it’s happening far too much, but he is the highest profile. He’s a reflection of a system that capitalises on the fact that the people who work in it care so much. I hope that Tom shines a light that capitalising on that caring isn’t a strategy that is sustainable; we need to do better by our healthcare professionals on the frontline.
Somehow or other Tom’s caring got too much for him. He so wanted the best for others, and the best we can do to honour him now is to apply Healthy Thinking and support each other through this.
I wish Tom had called me, or someone, before making that final decision. Since Tom passed, I’ve reached out to a number of friends to make sure they know to call before doing anything final. I think making a plan before things get bad is a good idea, it’s something we can all do.
As we go through life, we will continue to lose threads that make up each of our fabrics. There are so many people who will right now be feeling the loss of that wonderful thread that Tom was for us. But other threads remain, and those threads can and must become stronger. Perhaps Tom can be a reminder to cherish the remaining threads that make up our lives. And once the pain of grief subsides, perhaps those gaps in our fabrics can become beautiful reminders of the beautiful people who make us who we are.
I miss you Tom, and I’ll think of you when I pee.
* Dr Sam Hazledine is the owner and founder of Medrecruit and Medworld, and an ongoing advocate for doctor wellbeing. He is an Ernst and Young - Young Entrepreneur of the Year, a Sir Peter Blake Leader, and former New Zealand Extreme ski champion.