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Home / The Country / Opinion

Linda Hall: Saving lives? Now you're talking

By Linda Hall
Hawkes Bay Today·
30 May, 2017 10:00 PM4 mins to read

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Linda Hall

Linda Hall

Opinion

The state of New Zealand's mental-health system has come under fire in the past few weeks.

It began when mental-health campaigner and comedian Mike King quit the suicide-prevention panel after the release of the Government's draft plan.

He said the plan was "deeply flawed".

King and former All Black John Kirwan, who in the 1990s told the nation of his battle with depression, have done more for mental-health awareness in New Zealand in the past two decades than any government plan.

The high-profile pair are not afraid to speak their minds, or in Kirwan's case, talk about his demons.

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That's what's been missing in the fight to help people with mental illness - people willing to talk about it.

For a long time there had been all sorts of rules surrounding media coverage of suicide but the goalposts have moved since social media took the world by storm.

And in this case I think it's a move in the right direction.

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Not talking about suicide and mental-health issues certainly didn't solve the problem.

In fact in this fast-paced world, where you must have this, must work all hours under the sun in order to have everything required to prove your're successful, the problem is so bad now that our health system can't cope.

On TVNZ's 's Sunday show last week, King made some great points.

He said in this country we never talk about our failings.

Parents were teaching their children that it was not okay to fail.

"In our drive for perfection, all we are doing is planting the seed in our kids' heads that I'm not perfect, I will never be perfect, everyone else is amazing, I'm useless. What's the point of being here," King said.

Our kids needed only two things, he said. Love and validation.

He made sense. In our rush to get to work, get to swimming lessons, or work overtime to get the money to pay for the lessons, we forgot to listen to our children. Really listen - hear what's happening in their lives, what's happening in the playground, how they solve problems.

A few weeks ago I was amazed to see a post on Facebook outside a kindy or early childhood centre of a sign asking parents to put their phones down when they arrive to pick up their children.

I can't remember the exact words but it was something along the lines of "your child is happy to see you, they have paintings or craftwork they are proud of and want to share with you. Please stop talking on the phone and listen to your child".

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If children as young as that think the person on the other end of the phone is more important than they are it's no wonder they end up with low self-esteem.

Put these children in a class with a bully and the problem mushrooms.

And as a colleague pointed out, once upon a time you used to be able to leave the bully at the school gate. Now you take them home on your phone or laptop.

If someone contemplating suicide can't get professional help straight away, and at the moment they can't, it's even more important that they feel able to talk about it to parents, teachers, coaches, friends, anyone that can help them get through the day and night.

It's something that needs to be talked about at home and in schools.

It shouldn't be brushed under the carpet and whispered about behind closed doors.

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So good on you, Mike King - keep talking.

Where to get help:
* Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7).
* Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO), available 24/7).
* Youthline: 0800 376 633.
* Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7).
* Whatsup: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm).
* Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 (available 24/7).
* If it is an emergency and you feel you or someone else is at risk, call 111.

FOOTNOTE: In this column last week I wrote about Lotto. I said you get a free ticket when you get four numbers in a row - it should have said three numbers.
The $21 from the ticket I found will be donated to Cranford House.

• Linda Hall is assistant editor of Hawke's Bay Today.

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