Dr Tom Mulholland pictured at Fiordland National Park.
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The distraught family of celebrity physician and beloved “Dad” - Dr Tom Mulholland - have spoken of the personal struggles he was wrestling with in the final months of his life, including a boating accident that left him severely injured in critical care.
And as they come to terms with indescribable grief following his sudden death last weekend, the family have made a plea to others to take care of themselves and those they love by remembering to “put yourself first” and not over-committing at the expense of personal wellbeing.
“We cannot explain the heartbreak we feel, having lost him. He was so much to so many, but to us, he was everything,” Mulholland’s daughter Livi (Mulholland) Kay told the Herald.
Known affectionately as Dr Tom, the medical practitioner, adventurer and devoted father had helped hundreds of thousands of people globally over the past three decades - hosting his own TV and radio shows, writing two best-selling books, touring the country in an old Chevy ambulance and speaking openly about his own mental health struggles.
His death last Sunday in Wellington has sparked an outpouring of tributes and sadness from those who knew him. The case has been referred to the coroner and is being investigated as a suspected suicide. He was 61.
Kay, 28, said while the larger-than-life character was known to so many as Dr Tom, to his family he was a loving son, brother, partner, uncle, grandfather, cousin and Dad.
“Dad was incredible. The impact he had on not just us, but New Zealand, has become even more evident since he passed, with hundreds of messages from people we don’t even know, sharing how he positively impacted their life.”
But those qualities that made Mulholland so remarkable, such as his generosity, enthusiasm and always putting his hand up to help others, also put pressure on his personal situation, Kay said.
“Dad always wanted to help people and make a difference and was often over-committing himself to different causes and missions. People were in awe at how he would never say no, but family and friends could often see the toll this would take on him trying to lead a balanced life for his own personal wellbeing.”
She said Mulholland had openly struggled with mental health throughout his life, canvassing those struggles publicly in his books, corporate talks and workshops.
One particularly difficult time for him was losing his company, Dr. Global, in the late 1990s, which he managed to overcome.
“Looking back with hindsight, my brother, sister and I are so incredibly grateful he found the strength to carry on for us for another 25 years. Dad continued to live an extremely full life of adventures and mission work and we are all so lucky to be a part of his extraordinary experience.”
However, earlier this year, Mulholland was badly injured in a boating accident off Auckland. He spent five days in critical care and another five weeks in Auckland City Hospital.
“We almost lost him,” Kay said.
“He was in severe pain and physically unable to leave his bed for a long time, which also meant he was unable to work and lost a lot of potential earnings. After this incredibly painful time, he was nursed back to health by his family and loving partner Dee and moved to Waikanae to recover.
“Physically, Dad was doing well, but the accident had perhaps made him aware he was not as physically resilient as he once was, which for such an active and adventurous person, this took a toll.
“This, combined with personal financial pressures he had from over-committing himself to so many different causes and missions, meant Dad was struggling to see how he could continue to live the life he always had, filled with extreme adventures and helping people on such a large scale.
“Our family sat with him and discussed many different options that ensured he could live an incredible life with support and still hold his core values at heart, however, as he became more unwell what was so obvious to us, he just couldn’t seem to see what we could.”
While the family were devastated at Mulholland’s sudden passing, they sought comfort in knowing he lived a life with more adventure, laughter, love and friendships than most people would experience in a fraction of their lives.
“He advocated for mental health so strongly, knowing what your health numbers were and checking in on people.
“However, due to his own condition at times, he was unable to do an incredibly important part of health, not over-committing yourself and slowing down when you need to, in order to allow yourself to live a stable and balanced life.
“We ask as his children, that if anyone is feeling like this, please, put yourself first. Please do it for your loved ones.”
The family are now preparing to farewell the tireless health campaigner, adventurer and loving father.
His funeral will take place at Te Rauparaha Arena in Porirua on Tuesday at 11am.
“All welcome,” his death notice reads.
“Dr Tom loved the ocean and the colour blue, so we encourage you to wear blue if you are able.”
Kay said the family were eternally grateful for the time they got to share with Mulholland.
“We love you and are so proud of you. We know your life is not going to be remembered by your final decision, but by all of the amazing goodness you brought to the world, and for the love you gave us every day.
“We will be strong for each other and for you, and we will personally carry on your legacy of adventure, laughter and caring for others as best as we can.
“We will love you forever and ever and ever.”
Earlier this week, friend and fellow doctor Sam Hazledine paid tribute to Mulholland, saying he was sad, confused “and to be honest, I’m a bit angry”.
“He was loved by many, including his fiance and children. He was always on a mission.
“But in the end, I guess that wasn’t enough. He had demons, as we all do, and I guess two days ago they got too much for him. Whether that was an intense spur-of-the-moment thing, or a longer-term thing, I don’t know. But I wish I did know. I wish I’d been a better friend and had pried under that ebullient exterior deeper.”
Hazledine wrote that he’d spoken with Mulholland just a few weeks ago.
“I did ask him how he was, and he gave no indication that he was struggling. Perhaps, ‘how are you?’ isn’t enough. Perhaps we need to ask those we love ‘how are you, really?’”
Listen to The Country’s Jamie Mackay interview The Resilient Farmer, Doug Avery, about his friend Dr Tom Mulholland:
Broadcaster Brook Howard-Smith also paid tribute, writing that we had lost “one of our brightest stars”.
“He literally wrote books about mental health and wellbeing. He saved lives for a job. People, men, we are still not talking enough. We are still imagining we are alone,” Howard-Smith said.
“Dr Tom Mulholland will always be a hero of mine and I’m guessing for the thousands who he inspired and helped, thousands whose lives he changed forever. An incredible life, and in the end the most important lesson. Whatever you are feeling, no matter how alone you are I guarantee others are feeling the same. Please reach out.”
Lane Nichols is a senior journalist and deputy head of news based in Auckland. Before joining the Herald in 2012, he spent a decade at Wellington’s Dominion Post and Nelson Mail.
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