In fact if the fowl didn't exit the water in bunches and/or if shotgun pellets didn't spread in their trajectory, then I'd go hungry.
Which brings me to why they're prized.
Usually I do the meat up in some sort of dark, syrah-dominated ragout, but this year I'm swapping the French influence for an Asian one - courtesy, Al Brown's duck red curry, with star anise and lemon grass.
Frankly that's the only reason I like to train a 12-gauge in a mallard's direction. Truth be told, after I've managed one, I actually quite enjoy missing the next few.
But I still pull the trigger, solely for the look on my sons' faces, who clasp their hands over the ears to minimise the ear-splitting blast, smiles wide, surprisingly content sitting in flax bushes sans cellphones and Facebook.
Here's to a safe, humane, gourmet season.