Dom 'Furious' George - Give a goat this Christmas

Dom's not kidding when he says give a goat this festive season. Photo / File. Joke / Dad.

Goats have proven over the years that they can be rampaging psychos, but that doesn't mean you can't give one away as a Christmas present.

As the festive season approaches and life becomes increasingly hectic, I've enlisted my wife, the most brilliant shopper in the land, to go forth and conquer on behalf of the whole family.

But I'm not above contributing to the present purchasing escapades and this is where the goats come in.

The idea came via a correspondent by the name of Geoff Copstick on The Country last week. He's the Chair of ChildFund New Zealand, helping poverty-stricken children around the world.

During the interview he spoke about an initiative to help families in developing countries through the 'Gifts that Grow' catalogue.

Essentially, you purchase a goat and gift it to a family which, all things being equal, raises the animal. It provides a valuable food source and the potential to earn some income.

It could literally provide a lifeline for a child and his or her family this Christmas. And it only costs $50.

When I think of the thousands of dollars I spend at this time of year on people who I barely know, let alone care for, I've come to the conclusion it would far more prudent and beneficial to give some poor little bugger in Sri Lanka or Vietnam a goat that could be utilised by the family to better their lot in life.

So instead of buying old Auntie Mavis or Cousin Johnny or Uncle Bob some worthless piece of crap that they dislike more than I like giving it, I'm going to purchase a few goats and have them shipped off to the third world.

Plus The Country host Jamie Mackay hates goats which makes them me love them; indeed a goat is a noble and worthy gift.

However, goats have cultivated something of a poor reputation throughout the known world and you can see why. A goat in Northern Ireland shot to internet fame earlier this month after wreaking havoc in a shop in County Antrim.

Video of the goat terrorising shoppers has gone viral for obvious reasons. It munched through flowerbeds, forced staff and customers to flee and in his finest act of the rampage, head-butted a pensioner who was ironically named Billy. Brilliant.

There was also an incident closer to home last week in Oamaru. Police received a raft of calls from distressed members of the public as a goat went on a rampage and terrorised the hell out of the locals. It led authorities on a wild goat chase (I know) and was eventually cornered by a dog at a residential address.

But any attempts to catch the goat were thwarted by the charging beast. Police then tasered the goat and it died. A sad end but at least it went out in a blaze of glory!

As a man prone to the odd angry outburst myself, I can understand where these goats are coming from. Maybe a fellow goat was going too slow, or having more than its fair share of grass, or just being generally annoying so one of the other goats just snapped?

Goats are obviously genetically predisposed to flying off the handle, much like me, so the behaviour is hardly surprising. Plus, you'd have to concede the benefits of a goat far outweigh negatives.

So do the right thing; forget you're senile old uncle and spend your hard-earned on a goat for Christmas. It'll be genuinely appreciated.