Opinion: Far away from the usual TikTok trends set to the tune of Taylor Swift’s latest release, there’s a new and possibly unnerving conversation happening on social media that warrants some unpicking.
Millions of people around the world have responded to a seemingly simple hypothetical question posed to women: If you were alone in a forest, who would you prefer to encounter – a man or a bear? The question may seem capricious, but it’s laden with socio-cultural implications.
“The bear is either likely to attack or walk away. It’s much harder to trust the man’s intentions,” says one commenter on TikTok. “The bear may attack or kill you, but a man could do a lot worse.”
It is a stark comparison between a known physical risk and the danger a stranger may pose but women, especially those who have been sexually harassed or assaulted, are not merely choosing the bear as a metaphorical threat they’d rather face.
The instinctual dread we can feel when faced with this type of uncertainty is nothing new. The question highlights male safety privilege, something, it appears, many male commenters on social media do not recognise or understand. My female friends and I know to hold our keys clasped between our fingers when walking home and let each other know we’ve gotten home safe at night.
This isn’t new; women have been taking these kinds of precautions for decades, but discussion about it has seen a marked shift in recent years. The #MeToo movement opened up global conversation about misconduct and abuse, highlighting the collective nature of many women’s experiences.
The rise of online communities, like those found on TikTok, mean individuals have found communities where they can speak up, share their experiences and call for action beyond the app. When one woman speaks up, another follows, then another, sharing the dangers they encounter in their every day – at work, on the street, at home.
Those responding to the man-versus-bear question appear to carefully weigh up the pros and cons. If you see a bear, what are your chances of survival? If you were found, alive but injured and out of breath, no one would ask, “but what were you wearing?” No one would argue that the bear had a bright future ahead of them or accuse you of wanting attention. People would believe your story.
Thinking through the answers to man-versus-bear goes beyond issues of personal safety and into the complexities of whether, once you, as an assault victim, report the attack you will be believed and taken seriously. Will your allegations be fairly considered by the authorities, validated in the public realm, and allow you to emerge unscathed with your reputation and your career intact?
Having been let down by society and the justice system again and again, it seems appropriate to compare a frequent predator – a man - to a wild animal - the bear.
So, why have the conversation (again) now? Earlier this month, film-maker Harvey Weinstein, whose sexual abuse allegations gave rise to the #MeToo movement in 2017, had his conviction overturned in the New York Court of Appeals, a major victory that may bolster efforts to appeal his conviction in Los Angeles.
South Korea has seen the emergence in 2019 of the 4B movement which advocates boycotting socially imposed gendered standards which it sees as contributing to domestic violence. Regarded by some as merely a radical feminist campaign whose reach has been exaggerated, 4B sees refusing heterosexual dating and sexual relationships, marriage and having children as the way to eliminate the risks South Korean women face.
(Of course, taken to the extreme its advice would also, eventually, lead to population decline. But whether or not its influence has been exaggerated and its suggestions plausible, it has, nevertheless, prompted conversations.)
A fortnight ago in Australia, thousands joined rallies calling for an end to domestic violence against women. In just the first four months of 2024, advocacy group Destroy the Joint’s project Counting Dead Women calculates 26 women have been violently killed. That equals one woman every four days so far this year.
Here in New Zealand, we’re not doing much better. Earlier this year, the Listener reported on “Safer How, Safer When”, a study released by Women’s Refuge that highlighted dire statistics on domestic violence. This report outlined the victims’ fear of their partners and the questions they always get: why didn’t they call the police earlier? But for those who do call, often the help isn’t there.
These examples of domestic violence, which is rising in many OECD countries, mean that for some when they picture the metaphorical man in the woods, he doesn’t have to be a stranger to pose a threat.
The man-versus-bear question has led to calls for men to acknowledge the very real dangers women face in and outside of the forest. Many men joining the conversation argue that it’s not all men, which, of course, is true and women know this.
The conversation isn’t accusatory, rather it’s a request to men to recognise the dangers imposed on women every day because we can’t pick the good men out of a crowd, which adds to the unpredictability of the question.
Swaying boys and young men away from toxic online misogyny, instead setting them on the path to becoming empathetic and respectful men is the subject of Sarah Catherall’s Listener cover story Bailing out boys.
Women have fought this fight for decades – centuries – and are simply asking men to be allies and prevent their friends from heading down that trail. Whatever the next social media trend may be, let’s hope it won’t be asking women to choose between the lesser of two evils.
