Mrs Elliot didn't recognise it as abuse at the time, "but we didn't like the way he treated her". "It was an up-and-down, on-and-off relationship - pretty awful," she said. "She would say 'why does he say that, doesn't he know I have low self-esteem?"'
But Sophie didn't have low self-esteem. Intelligent and hard working, she had just completed a first class honours degree in economics at Otago University. She was happy, vibrant, energetic, caring and loved life.
Sophie and her mother were particularly close for the last three years of her life - and it was only after she had died that police contacted Mrs Elliot to tell her another woman had come forward to say she had also suffered abuse at the hands of killer Clayton Weatherston.
Mrs Elliot checked on the Women's Refuge website for the classic signs of abuse.
"He ticked 90 per cent of them," she said. "It was then I realised she had been an abused woman.
"My first thought was to go to Sophie's old school to tell the students [about the signs of abuse]."
It was followed up with talks to other schools. "That's how it started," she said.
"Girls would come up afterwards and put their hand over the top of their head and say 'we have sex education up to here, but we don't know how to get on with boys'."
Others would tell Mrs Elliot they were in an abusive relationship "What can we do? How can we get help? How can we prevent it happening?" they would ask.
Mrs Elliot thinks if Sophie had known about it, she would have recognised the signs.
"A lot of the abuse was psychological - had it become physical, which it became 10 days before she died, it would have been more recognisable. He made her feel bad about herself and did and said stuff that gets in your head.
"All I am doing is telling her story, not what happened at the end." Mrs Elliot hopes it will help other young people by bringing an awareness to the signs of a controlling and abusive relationship "and what we missed".
"This is not rocket science, it's basic relationship stuff - they do the same things."
Mrs Elliot, and Lynda Kearns, a high-profile barrister dealing with domestic violence for the past two decades, will be speaking at Napier Boys' High School Auditorium tomorrow from 7pm to 9pm. There will be a $2 charge to cover travel expenses.
They will also be talking to senior students at Napier Girls' and Napier Boys' high schools, Sacred Heart and Woodford House in the belief that by better understanding and recognising the signs of abuse, young people can begin to deal with the problem.
A panel including representatives from the Family Violence Unit of New Zealand Police and Women's Refuge, will discuss what options are available for help.
Dating and family violence
Nearly half of couples by the age of 21 reported having been physically abused by their partner.
The age group most at risk of physical, psychological and sexual victimisation from current and ex-partners are 15 to 24-year-olds.
In 2008, one quarter of those convicted of "male assaults female" in 2006 were 15 to 24-years-old, and 44 per cent under 29 years old.
One in three women experience psychological or physical abuse from their partners in their lifetime.
More than a quarter of Women's Refuge clients were aged 16 to 25 years old in 2009.
On average, 14 women, six men and 10 children are killed by a member of their family every year.
In 2009, nearly 75 per cent of the 29 female murder victims were killed by offenders identified as a family member or partner.
Women's Refuge receives a crisis call every 9 minutes. New Zealand police receive a domestic violence crisis call every 7 minutes and are called to 200 domestic violence situations a day.
Police estimate only 18 per cent of domestic violence incidents are reported.
The 84 per cent of those arrested for domestic violence are men; 16 per cent are women.
Thirty-seven per cent of protection order applications and 25 per cent of respondents are under 29 years old. - Source: www.sophieelliottfoundation.co.nz and www.womensrefuge.org.nz
