A new perspective

Maddy Bell.
SPECIAL REPORT
by John Ireland

Whenever she feels the dark shadows starting to creep in again, Maddy Bell looks to the messages permanently displayed on her body.

'It's okay not to be okay' reads the tattoo on one arm. 'My story isn't over' is inked on the other.

"They're visual reminders that there's a light at the end of the tunnel," she says.

To paraphrase songwriter Jim Steinman, Maddy has been through the fires of Hell and has the ashes to prove it.

Bullied, depressed and feeling she was out of options, she started self-harming at a young age rather than reaching out for help. There were several times when the darkness threatened to engulf her.

But Maddy is a survivor. She sought professional help, she leaned on the support of family and friends, and she came out the other side with a new attitude, a new perspective on life and a new goal.

Now studying for a Certificate in Education and Social Sciences at EIT, the 17-year-old is planning on becoming a qualified social worker, a career that will allow her to share the lessons she learned the hard way with others who may think they, too, have no place to turn.

"I feel like I've got the personal experience that is needed to connect with some of our youth," she says.

"I've got so many stories. I've been in foster care, I had severe depression and mental health issues. Now I honestly just want to put it all to good use. Now all I want to do is help people."

The bullying, when it started, followed a familiar pattern, fueled by social media.

"When you're at that age [she was 13] and you're growing up, you get picked on for those sorts of things," she says of the onslaught of puberty.

"It was snarky comments on photos and messages. It makes you feel worthless and a waste of space."

She turned to self-harming in an effort to deal with the personal attacks.

"I guess it was like a cry for help at the time," she says.

"It was like an addiction. It was my release. But, obviously, the self-harming didn't make the bullying stop."

Her mother helped her access mental health professionals, there was time spent in Richmond House and with a foster family. Gradually, as more help became available, the darkness receded.

"I chose to change my life," Maddy says of how she embraced self-healing by nurturing a new social circle and surrounding herself with positive role models.

Self-harming and dark thoughts are a form of silent rebellion, but Maddy says there are indicators that can alert family and friends that someone has a problem.

These include sleep increase or decrease, radical eating changes, substance abuse, severe anxiety, expressions of feeling trapped or of hopelessness/helplessness, withdrawal from family/friends or activities they once enjoyed, anger/mood swings and recklessness.

"If you're friends or family with someone showing these warning signs, you should talk to them, step up to help those lost in a dark place, see what is actually going on," she says.

"We need to step up and take action when we notice anything alarming - anything at all. Because in some cases, all it takes is for you to ask for them to reach out."

Maddy says, in her situation, she felt too alone to ask for help.

"It was daunting and I felt embarrassed. So once someone told me it was OK, I had that closure."

What advice would she offer her 13-year-old self?

"It will get better. But the big thing is that you do have to talk to people about it, otherwise it's just going to bottle up and get worse."

It's important, she says, to understand no one's going to be able to change things for you.

"You have to decide yourself. It's about being strong and realising your self-worth is important.

"It's a scary thing asking for help, which is why I want to help someone going through the same thing I did. And I want to help people who are wanting to assist those in need.

"We all need to come together and talk about what we can do to help youth in times of darkness."

Teens talk about their experiences with depression, bullying and self-harm and
seeking help. Names have been withheld by request.

IN THEIR OWN WORDS

X, 17
I wish I had access to other people going through the same stuff as me. I was directed to psychologists and counsellors but I just couldn't connect to any of them. I wish there were more support groups for people going through this sort of stuff.

EB, 17
I know a lot of people who struggle with self-harm and mental illness.
But most of these people keep it a secret.
It's hard reaching out and asking for help because the help is not always there. We need to educate more people on how to help others who struggle with this sort of thing.

Y, 18
It started off with me not liking myself.
I didn't like who I was as a person, I didn't like what I saw in the mirror, I just wasn't happy with who I was.
On top of all of that I had people (bullies) who were confirming what I was already thinking of myself.
A big part of what helped me was counselling, I know it can be daunting to open up to strangers, but I swear by it.
I changed my friend group and focused all my energy into things I loved and, with the new positive people around me, I learned to love myself again.

Z, 14
I often do this thing where I take things out on myself that my friends are going through because I couldn't help them.
I also take on other people's feelings, so when my friends or family get upset I get sad and upset for them and I guess sometimes it kind of pushed me over the edge.
I do feel really horrible and sad quite a lot and I know quite a few teens who are down for a lot of different reasons.

W, 16
I have been bullied for who I was basically all my life. I couldn't do anything without someone reminding me about all the wrong things they saw in me. I was never good enough being who I was. Never comfortable to step out of the house.
But my family played a huge part, and still do, in boosting my hopes and happiness. You are the only one who can change things for yourself but it's always good to have a push from someone who cares.

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