TOMMY KAPAI: Fed up to the gills with health food? Go net some fish'n'chips

I read a quote recently that said "Healthy eating is a slow way of dying". It was written on the wall of a fish'n'chip shop and it made my purchased parcel of fresh shark'n'tatty a lot sweeter to swallow.
It got me thinking about all of the fish'n'chip shops that I have grown up with so I thought I would try and name as many as I could remember while I was waiting for my submerged snapper order to be rescued from the fryer and wrapped in its thermal blanket of newspaper.
So if you want to have a go and have lived locally in the Mount then don't read on until you have exhausted your memory and the hunger pangs of fresh fish'n'chips start kicking in.
For the rest of you who are new kids on the kai block then may I suggest you kill your appetite on the moaners and groaners of the above letters to the editor.
My most memorable feed of fish'n'chips goes way back to Fridays at Omanu School when like all good Catholics, my friend Ross Bartlett would take his lunch order out by the playground flagpole at Omanu school and open up a One and Sixpenny order of Jim Stanley's, El Toreadors, finest fish'n'chips. Ross loved to have a chat so I would keep the conversation flowing until he would - like clockwork at 12-15pm - complain to me that his lunch order was cold and would I like to have them.
And that was how I got to throw cold water on the saying there was no such thing as a free lunch, well nothing that a good set of ears and a wagging tongue from a family of 11 kids couldn't pay for.
So that was one of the first outlets I can remember - The El Toreador at Central Parade.
Then there was the Del Monte, next to the Oceanside Pub, and up the road in town there was The Coconut Grove at one end and The Yellow Milano building in the middle.
Ironically that shop turned into Expose years later and I guess they both had their common name of flash fashion whares and a sales goal of swimming in fat or the art of trying to hide it.
Further on up the road there was Jim Ody's Golden Horizon that could make sixpence worth of chips on the way home from a freezing cold Friday night movie taste like a quid's worth of caviar and if that didn't hit the spot, it was only a quick sprint up to the midway building to get to John and Mikes Burger Bar.
From there came Shellrock opposite the library and although Nanas Dairy, Askews and Busy Bee dairy didn't dish out the said delicacy they do warrant a mention.
Omanu shops by the beach had two outlets, the first being the milkshake lolly coloured Blue Marlin takeaways, opposite the surf club that could have belonged in the art deco capitol of the world on Miami Beach and then, more recently, the five star of fish'n'chips, Omanu Takeaways, that is still a chip off the old spud and for me has to rate as the best feed of fish'n'chips in town.
Mind you Ginger Lloyd had access to the freshest fish that can come from a trawler so his Arataki outlet has to rate right up there with the best and what made them taste even better was a cold can of Waikato's finest hops that sure made the waiting worthwhile.
So there you have it, how many did you remember and how many did I forget?
I must admit I had to phone my cuzzie Mary to get a name but besides that it was totally off the bat, or should I say batter.
On the other side of the harbour I must mention the Summit takeaways for its spotless shop and fantastic feeds and it would be like serving up a hot dog without sauce if I didn't mention Bobby Palmers four Fresh Fish Market outlets, especially our local at Whakamarama.
So do your tongue a flavour and savour the seafood of Tauranga Moana and who cares about the cholesterol, it's only a slow way of dying, to go without it. Bon apetite