It's that time of year again. The eternal battle between those who do and those who don't. Those who are ready for the smell of pine needles and credit card debt to waft effortlessly into their awaiting nostrils vs those who'd rather the smell of office printer toner and Sandra from accounts' reheated fish pie.
The workplace elves vs the office grinches.
Yes, Christmas is coming and December is nearly here, but it the season of changing greetings and no one really knows which is the appropriate one.
There's the Merry Christmas elf, who sometime in early November starts testing the water. "Merry…Monday" they will utter to one of the grinches, having been shut down mid-sentence with evil eyes and a neck snap in their direction.
The "compliments of the season comrade". But which season are we complimenting ask the grinches? Are we paying homage to spring? "Thanks, spring, our compliments for the cheap lamb roasts and daffodils" Are we complimenting the summer to come? The Christmas "season?" How long does a Christmas season stretch? "In our house, we don't hand out compliments this season", they will grinchily utter.
The "See you next year" early holiday starter. They booked leave three years ago for this amazing trip to have their first white Christmas. And they've talked about it every Christmas since then. Now it's time to go and a perfect time to drop an early clanger, "See ya next year", "hopefully not" says the grinch under their voice.
The overly enthusiastic cubicle decorator. They come complete with a 2-metre tree that somehow manages to teeter precariously on the side of their desk, tinsel hanging from every available spot, reindeer ears upon their head and the offer of a candy cane to each passerby. The grinches snarl at the offer, and come back with their own, "Perhaps you could put that cane where the sun don't…" as they head to the safety of the lift.
The party starter. This person sits on the workplace elf side, but really, doesn't care what the reason is so long as it's an office shout. Often found milling about the office fridge around 4pm, looking for other party starters. Will be tolerated by the grinches as it is usually this person that instigates the filling of said fridge which always helps.
Pick a camp, and jump on board, now how's that work fridge looking? - Adam
• Don't miss Adam Green and Megan Banks on The Hits Hawke's Bay from 6am to 9am, Monday to Friday.