Editorial: Happy ending as Key unlocks movie script

I suppose I am a suspicious type, a slightly cynical type, but I get the very strong feeling that The Hobbit was always going to be made here in New Zealand - it was simply a matter of how much the money boys from Hollywood could eke out of the frightened Government.
This whole thing, which ended in a catcalling, shouting, infantile exchange between dodgy character actors in Parliament on Thursday night, all sort of came together like ... a movie script.
And to be honest, I think the scenario of this fiasco, the way it panned out, is arguably more attractive as a film script than the tale JRR Tolkien penned.
Goodies, baddies, strange deals, strange people, threats and sneers.
An entire land called Middle Earth where unfortunately there appeared to be no middle ground.
An evil man from the great red continent to the west called Vic Bitter set about derailing Middle Earth's natural right to stage The Hobbit.
Was there jealously afoot from the great red continent to the west?
After all, Middle Earth had created an earlier trilogy of special effects wonder without any fuss and it made trillions.
That was when the Queen of Middle Earth, Helen Back, ruled.
But since then Middle Earth had seen the return of the king - the possessor of the Key.
Vic Bitter whipped up a maelstrom of anger within the troops he said would suffer if they went into battle for The Hobbit, and Middle Earth became bitter and divided.
Stories were spun and told. Lies and mis-truths. Suspicion and dealing.
So the King wrote out a cheque to the leaders of the army of Hollydollar, staged an urgent meeting of the Fellowship of the Key, and all was again wondrous and light.
Amazing.
They could make a legislative decision and rubber stamp it in 48 hours ... to save a few hundred jobs and New Zealand's reputation as Middle Earth.
But it's been 18 months of shuffling about with committees and reports without any sign of common sense urgency to raise the teenage drinking age up to a responsible 20. Something which would probably save lives.
And those deserving of wage assistance, who toil in the dark land of stress and abject responsibility, have to queue and hope.
Yes, it's been more convoluted and mysterious than any movie script ... and didn't we all just know it would have a happy ending?