I Attended An Oral Sex Masterclass. This Is What I Learnt

By Ashleigh Cometti
Strictly adults only: This article contains content of a sexual nature. Photo / Getty Images

This article contains graphic content of a sexual nature which may not be suitable for all readers.

I’m not entirely sure how I landed the reputation as Viva’s resident sex expert, but here we are.

Dad (aka my number one fan who reads everything I write — bless him) consider

Over the past two years, I’ve written about sensitising sexual wellness treatments to unlock pleasure, sensuality and fertility; penned a beginner’s guide to purchasing your first sex toy (and discovered the most discreet ones you won’t mind if your mother-in-law happens upon in your top drawer); and rounded up the smuttiest, sexiest podcasts to have on your radar.

But what you’re about to read is something different entirely — a first-person account of a workshop that blew my mind and later, blew something else, too.

Holistic sex therapist, relationship coach and host of BJ Like A Boss, Melissa Vranjes. Photo / Supplied
Holistic sex therapist, relationship coach and host of BJ Like A Boss, Melissa Vranjes. Photo / Supplied

The invite

One of my aforementioned sexual wellness articles on the Viva website captured the attention of Melissa Vranjes, a certified holistic sex and relationship coach, who invited me to an upcoming event she was hosting.

“I’m reaching out because I would love to invite you and a friend to a VERY fun, VERY sexy event — BJ Like A Boss,” she wrote.

“As the name suggests, it’s about learning how to give world-class blow jobs and awaken male pleasure through a female-focused lens.”

I messaged my colleague almost immediately: “Hi hello I am now a sex columnist”.

To be frank, I never thought I needed any help in that department, nor had I ever received any complaints.

But under the guise of research (and for a bit of a giggle), I asked my most sex-positive friend if she was up for it and RSVP’d to Melissa.

Every booth was set with a glittery, pink dildo per person, condoms, lube and wet wipes. Photo / Supplied
Every booth was set with a glittery, pink dildo per person, condoms, lube and wet wipes. Photo / Supplied

The arrival

“I’m just pacing and twitching the curtains,” my friend Liv* replied when I messaged to say I was on my way to pick her up.

A bit of a prankster, she’d told her husband that she and I were off to a Saturday afternoon golf lesson — not that he fell for the act.

We giggled the entire way from Epsom to Queen Street, where we bumped into a group of equally giddy girlies at the top of the stairs to Nightcar.

I was thankful for its discreet location (Nightcar is set back from the bustle of Auckland CBD’s busiest street, in a velvet-draped dining room comprising seven booths and no windows). A queue began to form towards Fort Lane.

We got chatting to our new friends, who revealed they were both young mums excited to learn a trick or two (one was recently single, and her energy was palpable).

Liv and I were invited to head downstairs, where our names were checked off and a red velvet curtain was pulled back to reveal seven booths decorated with pink, glittery dildos, condoms, information cards, lube and wet wipes.

We got the giggles immediately and decided to pour ourselves a glass of social lubricant (bubbles) while we waited for the other guests to arrive.

Liv and I had wondered about the types of people who would attend a class like this, and soon the booths began to fill up with guests from a wide variety of ages from mid-20s to mid-50s.

Some had travelled from Hamilton and Te Arai, others were Auckland locals. One was a fellow journalist. A rowdy group who sat at the back had surprised their friend with a ticket for her birthday after a boozy long lunch.

But at $97 a pop, one thing was clear — everyone who had purchased a ticket to the event really wanted to be there.

The event

When everyone was seated (and the shock factor over the pink dildos had settled), Melissa took the floor to welcome everyone and explain what we could expect from our 90-minute session with her and our phallic friends.

I’d walked in armed with a few assumptions — mostly around the fact that while I’d been invited to attend for work, the person who would benefit most from my experience was my husband (and lucky him).

Turns out, I was wrong.

BJs Like A Boss, Melissa explained, is about learning how to give embodied blow jobs. Rather than frame it as something submissive where the only person getting pleasure is the receiver, quite the opposite is true.

Her catch cry throughout homed in on women feeling empowered to perform oral sex — it was about blow jobs and hand jobs, yes, but positioned through a female lens.

Instead of simply sharing hot tips on how to make men explode, Melissa aims to teach women how build intimacy and desire, to get out of your head and into the present moment, to go slow and enjoy.

For some women in attendance, especially those who don’t particularly enjoy giving head, this sentiment was especially freeing.

Armed with this newfound confidence to take back control over the gift of gobbies, our masterclass officially began.

You’d assume most people in attendance would know their way around a willy, but Melissa provided a quick refresher on the male anatomy before our hands-on practice began.

She identified different male erogenous zones, as well as key pleasure centres of the penis — including the all-important frenulum (located where the glans and shaft of the penis meet) which she talked about 783 times in total.

Melissa did an excellent job at fostering a space where everyone felt confident and comfortable to perform oral sex alongside complete strangers. Photo / Supplied
Melissa did an excellent job at fostering a space where everyone felt confident and comfortable to perform oral sex alongside complete strangers. Photo / Supplied

Warning: Graphic content of a sexual nature to follow, which may not be suitable for all readers

The how-to guide

First up were five different ways to perform a hand job (who knew there were that many?).

I quickly finished my glass of bubbles (needed) while we were instructed to lube up and watch on as Melissa demonstrated her first technique – Infinite Penetration.

It sounds scary, but really, it felt like a nice hand massage (especially considering the dildo was veiny and life-like). The technique involves wrapping both hands around the shaft of the penis, one stacked on top of the other, as you slowly slide both hands down to the base. Once there, you move your bottom hand to the top of the penis and allow the other to follow, creating a continuous stream of movement on the shaft.

To be honest, this move was the perfect introduction to our class. While there were plenty of giggles, having to demonstrate moves in front of a fully booked out class, there was zero shame.

It could have been the bubbles, yes, or it could’ve been the fact that Melissa’s goal from the outset was to foster an encouraging, supportive environment in which guests could feel confident performing each technique without fear of judgment.

Four other moves followed, including The Juicer, which involved paying particular attention to the head of the penis by closing your hand into a C-shape and rubbing it in circular motions; Wring Out The Towel, a gentle, two-hand twisting motion around the shaft; The Bottle Opener, which one of the women in our booth excelled at — where you shape your thumb and forefingers into the OK sign, sliding down over the penis then twisting around and off as if you’re opening a bottle of Corona; and mine and Liv’s personal favourite: The Lock.

This involved interlocking your fingers, leaving your thumbs free, placing your locked fingers around the penis and then sliding up and down so that your thumbs can stimulate the frenulum. Judging from the agreeable sounds from the group, this was a crowd favourite too.

The event aims to encourage women to feel empowered to perform oral sex. Photo / Supplied
The event aims to encourage women to feel empowered to perform oral sex. Photo / Supplied

After a quick drinks break, it was time for the main event: blow jobs.

We gave our dildos a good wipe down and ripped open our condoms. Melissa told us to sit the condom on the tip of the penis and await further instruction and she showed us how to stretch it down over the shaft using only our mouths (sexy!).

Wrapped and ready, the first technique we learned was the Tongue Swirl, an entry-level skill that involved us running our tongues 360-degrees around the head of the dildo. I got the giggles at Liv who was ultra eager in her technique, then had a quick scan of the room while Melissa had us all practice at the same time.

Besides me, no one was really looking around. Instead, guests were head down, focused on their own technique, which was reassuring considering we were only getting deeper from here (literally).

Four more techniques followed, including Make Out With The Tip, where we were encouraged to kiss, lick, nibble and suck the head and frenulum of the dildo; Lapping, where you run your flat tongue (not pointy!) from the balls all the way up the shaft to the head; Suction, which involved shaping your mouth into an O and sucking in your cheeks as you moved up and down; and then finally Suck & Tongue — aka deep throating.

Melissa is well-versed in the art of deep throating, and is acutely aware that many people don’t enjoy it or have experienced blocks around it previously. Before we got down to business, Melissa advised us to check in with ourselves to see how we were feeling in our body and mind — something she recommended we apply in real-life situations, too.

The most important thing about deep throating is to be completely relaxed and breathe into it, Melissa said. To inhale as you begin to slide your mouth down the penis, and to breathe slowly out when you reach your limit and move back out again.

In terms of the best position in which to perform deep throating (or any type of oral sex for that matter), Melissa said anywhere where your chest and throat feel open. Rather than be hunched up and over, Melissa explained how having that openness across your body means you’re not feeling tense, or tight, or forced — all feelings that can take away from the empowering experience of giving head.

One way to maintain that control, she said, was to have your partner stand in front of you with hands on his hips, meaning you can manage the tempo — this way, it’s more deliberate and controlled. Other positions included the receiver on the edge of the bed or chair with the giver in between his legs, or with the receiver laying down and the giver in a kind of tabletop position on top.

No matter which technique you try or what position you’re in, Melissa says to use LOTS of lube, always.

We touched on some of the challenges that came with giving blow jobs, including a sore jaw or neck, gagging, or erectile dysfunction. For the latter, Melissa advised taking the shame out of going soft by reassuring your partner and trying a cupping technique with your hand which can still be performed on a flaccid penis.

After cleaning up with wet wipes, Melissa opened the floor for questions. It was slightly rushed as we were coming to the end of our session, but a handful of excellent questions were dished out in the 15 minutes we had left.

One guest quizzed Melissa about a loss of libido after having a baby, another about how to focus on your own pleasure during a 69, developing dependence on sex toys for orgasm, or how to achieve multiple orgasms in a row (hint: clitoral stimulation for the first orgasm then internal stimulation for subsequent orgasms is the secret, apparently).

The takeaway

We were buzzing as we debriefed the event during our walk to dinner.

While we didn’t get to stash the pink, glittery dildos with us, we did get a very generous goodie bag from Wild Secrets (the event sponsor) which included lube, stimulation gel, a bullet vibrator, crotch-less underwear and more.

But what we lacked in dillys we made up for in confidence — and both Liv and I agreed that the masterclass shifted our perspectives on giving hand jobs and blow jobs moving forward.

Melissa’s approach removed all pressure to perform, and framed oral sex in a way that made it feel like less of a chore that culminates with an orgasm, but rather an intimate, slow burner — a sensual journey to be enjoyed along the way.

I’d never really considered a blow job as something I, too, could get pleasure from, but Melissa taught me that with the right mindset, technique and position, that it’s possible.

For Liv, the biggest takeaway involved getting out of her head and being present. Being intentional in her actions and learning to embrace the slow, sensual side of leading her partner to climax.

Would I attend again? Yes. It was horny, but not at all porny — I’d love to rebook with a group of girlfriends for a sassy afternoon session.

The next BJ Like A Boss will be happening in Auckland in mid-June, and Melissa is hosting a series of events in Melbourne from June 27-30. In between, she also hosts private events for birthdays, hen’s parties and girls’ nights — visit Melissavranjes.com for more information.

*Name changed for privacy reasons

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