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Greg Dixon’s Another Kind of Politics is a weekly satirical column on politics that appears on Fridays on listener.co.nz.
Homeless and starving Gazans have fiercely condemned the sudden, unprovoked attack on Winston Peters’ home, which saw a window broken and a dog given a hell of fright.
A spokesperson for the nearly two million people living rough on Gaza strip said after two years of deadly and unrelenting attacks on their homes by the Israeli defence force, Gazans knew exactly how the NZ First leader would be feeling.
“There’s nothing worse than going about your everyday life only to have it completely upended by an outrageous criminal attack,” the spokesperson said. “Having a window broken and the dog startled must have really put a dampener on Winston’s day. So we denounce in the strongest possible terms this attack on the place he and his dog call home and where they believed they were safe.”
Peters’ Auckland house was attacked on Monday night, with a window on the street-facing property smashed by someone allegedly wielding a crowbar. The attack caused shards of glass to fall on Peters’ dog, Winston Jr, who was having a lovely nap on his favourite cushion at the time.
A vet later diagnosed Winston Jr, an ageing, grey poodle with unresolved anger issues, with a severe attack of the willies complicated by a sudden onset of the collywobbles as a result of the incident. However, the dog is expected to make a full recovery and was well enough yesterday to bark and growl at the postie.
The Gaza spokesperson said that as Gazans trudged from one place to another in search of food and shelter while Israel forces continued to kill them with impunity, their “thoughts and prayers” were with Peters and Winston Jr in their hugely difficult time.
“Unless you are in Gaza, Israel, Russia, China, North Korea, Pakistan, India, Myanmar, the United States and other countries run by psychopathic dictators, violence has no place in politics,” the spokesperson said.
“People say that Peters is a demagogue and that only last week he called pro-Palestinian protesters in Dunedin ‘dumb and dumber’ and ‘a bunch of budgies’ while speculating that they were all unemployed bums. This was just playful banter, not hate speech or breaking a window and unnerving a dog.
“We Gazans know what a brave and principled man Winston is for telling the United Nations last month that no, New Zealand would not, unlike 157 other countries, recognise the state of Palestine just yet. We wish Winston and Winston Jr well.”
The spokesperson said he had texted Peters the number for a good glazier. “He’s done a lot of work for us.”
Trump makes new bid for Nobel Peace Prize
Economists who coined “Survive ’til 25” unveil 2026 slogan
It was the catchphrase that summed up the stinking dumpster fire that was 2024: “Survive ’til 25”.
But with many aspects of the country’s economy in even worse shape in 2025 than in 2024, a group of economists who coined the term say they have devised a new slogan.
The economists, who have twice written to Finance Minister Nicola Willis to explain why and how she has made things worse for ordinary New Zealanders, said her failure to change direction meant they had no choice but to consider what 2026 would hold economically.
“We’ve read the tea leaves, discussed the issue over a beer and sacrificed a goat to Adam Smith and we truly believe New Zealand will be as poked next year as it is this year,” one of the leading economists said. “The only chance we have to save the country’s economy beyond next year is to change government.
“To help people remember what is at stake, we have coined a new, catchy catchphrase. Our new slogan is ‘Vote Out These Dicks In 26’.”
Stuart Nash voted most professional politician of the year
Possible NZ First election candidate Stuart Nash has been named 2025’s Most Professional Politician after wowing the judges with his return to the national stage.
“Stuart Nash has demonstrated to the country what a political powerhouse he is with his grovelling apology for his gross description of women as a “person with a p**y and a pair of t**s” on a digital radio platform last month,” one judge said.
“This week, we learnt he followed that up with text messages to Todd McClay, calling the trade minister ‘pretty f***ing amateur mate!!’ following a dispute over whether Nash had been dumped from a US trade trip or had postponed his participation.
“Stuart’s political style is unique, exciting and, of course, totally professional. So there was never any doubt in the judges’ minds that Stuart was the class political act of the year and deserving of the title Most Professional Politician of 2025. He richly deserves everything he gets from here on out.”
Nash, a former Labour government minister, joins a distinguished group of current and former politicians to win the prestigious award. Former Labour minister Kiri Allen took the prize in 2023 for crashing her car after drinking, while current National minister Andrew Bayly, who called a vineyard worker a “loser” and told him to “take some wine and f*** off”, was 2024’s winner.
Willis pledges to keep tanking economy to lower mortgage rates even further
Fresh from a massive official cash rate cut, a jubilant Finance Minister has promised to keep shrinking the economy to “get New Zealand back on track”.
The Reserve Bank this week cut the rate by 0.5%, bringing it down to just 2.5%. The rate saw bank mortgage rates drop almost immediately.
Nicola Willis said her single most important task in the run up to next year’s election was to keep killing the economy and hopefully drive it back into recession so the cash rate would fall even lower.
Asked whether she was concerned what effect that might have on savers and New Zealanders who don’t have a mortgage, she said they were not important to the country and should leave for Australia.
“Only people up to their eyeballs in debt and who spend borrowed money on stuff they don’t need matter to the economy,” a cock-a-hoop Willis told reporters. “My fervent hope is that, by this time next year, I will have poked the economy so badly banks will have to pay people to borrow from them.”
