Singers Kirsty MacColl (1959-2000) and Shane MacGowan feature in The Pogues' Christmas song 'Fairytale of New York'. Photo / Getty Images
Singers Kirsty MacColl (1959-2000) and Shane MacGowan feature in The Pogues' Christmas song 'Fairytale of New York'. Photo / Getty Images
OPINION
There is no better Christmas song than The Pogues' 'Fairytale of New York'. That's just a fact, and there are a dozen polls over the years to prove it.
You can have your Snoopy's Christmases and that Mariah Carey ballad, your Rudolphs and Jingle Bells and Noels.
They're alljust fine but if there is no mention of the drunk tank or Mountain Dew or the boys of the NYPD choir singing 'Galway Bay', then it's just not tops for me.
I didn't have a proper appreciation for The Pogues growing up as a boarding school brat.
Dad used to listen to their rollicking tunes to keep himself alert on the long, late drives to and from school. Standard driver-picks-the-music rules.
When friends were in tow, I naturally found this very embarrassing but I see now it was probably an effective way of discouraging teenage chattering. Outsmarted again.
My appreciation has grown as an adult, and Fairytale is only improving with age.
Stolen dreams, wealth and class disparity, an arguing couple, hope for a better future - this slurring duet by the Pogues may have been written in the 80s but it reaches a new level of resonance in 2020.
Parts of it, too, are seen in a less positive new light in this woke age, with rising debate over whether some of the less delicate lyrics should be censored or dropped.
In a delirium of seasonal spirit and December heatstroke, I've taken that several steps further.
Please enjoy this holly jolly Bay of Plenty lyrical parody of the best Christmas song ever - best read accompanied by the music of the original.
Fairytale of the Bay
It was nearly Christmas, Bay In Tauranga Mayor Tenby said to us, won't stick around no more. And then he called out for His council to be sacked The minister's eyes lit up This was her chance
Former Tauranga mayor Tenby Powell. Photo / File
In Rotorua, son It's been a strange one The tourists vanished But the hotels were still full Our Christmas wish is Ngā manuhiri Return to us in good time When the Covid vaccine comes
The Sudima Hotel in Rotorua is among those being used for mandatory isolation stays. Photo / File
(Cue zany Irish music)
Queues of cars stretch as far As our eyes can behold They might blame the roadworks But I'm just not sold We're in for a rough one When rates bills arrive They promised us Leadership now let us see
Traffic banked up on Te Ngae Rd in Rotorua. Photo / File
Rents go higher Int'rest drops Home's a trial in these cities As house prices keep rising Foodbank lines grow too Crisis is brewing And the govt's ruled out tax Labour's backed in a corner Will it transform or freeze?
Our toys and wine are stuck out at sea We can only hope and pray That the courier arrives Before Christmas Day
Let's get sun Let's get drunk Cos not all hope is sunk Lying here on our shores bluest skies overhead We're lucky, we're blessed We've all earned a good rest Happy Christmas my friends A new year soon shall come
We've earned some beach time. Photo / File
Our toys and wine are stuck out at sea We can only hope and pray That the courier arrives Before Christmas Day
So twenty-twenty-one You really owe us some Change and prosperity And jobs for aircrew We'll go in stronger, Bay We've held on to our own Can't make it all alone After what we've all been through
Our toys and wine are stuck out at sea We can only hope and pray That the courier arrives Before Christmas Day.
