Opinion: Merepeka Raukawa-Tait - handshakes over kisses

Handshakes over kisses. Photo/File

I knew when I grew up and had my own children I would never bring them up the same way my mother did with my two sisters and I.

She seemed to be forever on our case. Highlighting behaviour I couldn't see anything wrong with at all.

What amazes me when looking back now is that she kept it up year, after year.

"Sit up straight don't slough. What are you looking at the ground for? Walk with your head up. Don't use the Lord's name in vain," she would say.

That was a big no, no.

"No chewing gum. Stop using slang. Straight home after school. No going to the river on our own."

We did a few times but never really enjoyed it. Getting caught would have earned us a very sore bum.

"Elbows off the table."

It was constant and seemed so unfair especially as I knew all our friends had it far better than we did.

They could do anything they liked or so it seemed to us back then. But our moaning and muttering fell on deaf ears ... "The lady was not for turning".

Sadly I wasn't blessed with children. So it is my sisters' children and their grandchildren who have benefited from my long held promise "to bring my children up differently".

I smile to myself now when I catch myself saying "Sit up straight. Elbows off the table. Take your hat off inside the house".

A similar list to mother's "dos and don'ts", only I have added plenty of my own too.

Somewhere along the line I must have unwittingly taken those "unfair" lessons on board.

I want the best for the younger members of my family too. To be able to take them anywhere - exactly what my mother wanted.

She did have some odd behaviours of her own.

She rarely allowed anyone to call her by her Christian name. It was always Mrs McMinn.

And she would never presume to use anyone's Christian name, even if invited to do so.

Familiarity was not something my mother encouraged. It just wasn't her thing.

As for kissing strangers. That hardly ever happened. When someone approached her and moved forward to give her a welcoming kiss she would immediately extend her hand.

The message was clear – no nearer thank you.

She would have whole-heartedly supported the French Mayor of Morette, in Isere, Auvergne-Rhone-Alpes who has recently informed her 73 colleagues she will no longer give "la bise" each morning when she sees them.

She would now prefer to shake hands. She's had enough of giving la bise, the customary peck on each cheek, to droves of colleagues every time she attends a meeting.

She finds it disagreeable so has taken to attending meetings late to avoid the practice.

She's on to something there. In New Zealand there's a whole lot of kissing going on here too.

Far more now than ever before. It's not unusual to do "the kissing round" of those present at meetings before they get underway.

And we meet and greet people with a kiss on any and all occasions. I sometimes feel it's being overused too. Overkill.

Just going through the motions. There's nothing wrong with greeting friends and family with a kiss but I don't particularly want to kiss every Tom, Dick and Harry just because it's the expected thing to do.

It should be meaningful to both the giver and the receiver. That's not to say extending your hand for a handshake instead of offering a greeting kiss is any less friendly. It's just a matter of personal preference.

My mother would stick out like a sore thumb at gatherings today. Her greeting would be a handshake and that would be it. Take it or leave it.

That'll take some practice on my part. But I'm warming to the idea.