Merepeka: Who's looking at the bulge?

Lycra clad bikers are a common sight in Rotorua.

I suppose if I wanted I could spend my days peering at lycra clad bikers as they peddled, pushed and zoomed around Rotorua every day.

After all Rotorua is home to hundreds of cyclists. Not just mountain bikers either. We have ordinary, down home bikers. And they come in all shapes and sizes.

Hardy folk, out and about most days enjoying the freedom that comes with pedal power. You see them everywhere. In our forests, on the streets, in the city, yes even cycling the green corridor, and on our isolated country roads. Going hard out. Doing nobody any harm.

Some begin their journey cycling from home. Others affix their bike to their car and head for a favourite spot to begin riding.

If I wanted I could stake these cyclists out in carparks, when they arrive and leave. Follow them on their circuit or creep up on them as they take a coffee break in one of our local cafes. In the hopes of spying a well-endowed cyclist.

I think not. It has never once occurred to me to think of lowering my gaze - that there might be something of interest below the belt. And I'm not being unkind to male cyclists but I'd rather look at a smiling face than contemplate what might lie, or be bulging lower down.

Apparently male cyclists clad in lycra can have a disturbing effect on some people. The owner of the Plough Hotel in Rangiora won't have a bar of it. No lycra shorts allowed in his establishment. It puts his customers off. Off what, I want to know. He says they have unsightly bumps and bulges. The bulge in the nether region, that's the most unsettling spectacle for some customers.

Funny that. The cyclists I see about town are all kitted out in great gear. Not like me, I dive in the closet, pull something comfortable out and throw it on. The keen cyclists have brightly coloured, easy to see tops and well fitted tight lycra shorts. Their head gear often looks colour co-ordinated to match the whole outfit. They appear fit and happy. Out enjoying their cycling.

I just don't get it. Since the hotel has started serving breakfast cyclists are turning up. Why is the owner concerned about their dress? Who looks at bumps and bulges these days anyway? Obviously enough customers to cause the owner to make a stand.

He says his customers don't want to see lycra clad cyclists sitting amongst them. He must be talking about male cyclists. And I presume those doing the complaining are women. The hotel owner says he has older customers who get put off their coffee and conversation. They don't want any bumps and bulges staring them in the face.

Perhaps the ladies spy something they don't often see. A bulge is no more than that. And that can be deceptive. The Plough Hotel customers should just grin and bear it. Cyclists don't hang around long. They have a short coffee break and are back on their bikes. Maybe those offended should go shopping. I am sure there would be a shop selling lycra shorts somewhere close by. And they come in all colours and sizes.

- Merepeka lives in Rotorua. She writes, speaks and broadcasts to thwart the spread of political correctness.