Merepeka Raukawa-Tait: 'High risk' homes need change

I don't despise Lisa Kuka, mother of murdered toddler Nia Glassie. Her actions in putting her own needs before those of her daughter are what I find utterly despicable. Her home was a dangerous and brutal environment where little Nia, unprotected, spent her days. The mother's behaviour I can't understand nor stomach. But condemning and scorning Lisa Kuka is a waste of time and serves no purpose.

She is currently doing time for her daughter's manslaughter. The justice system saw to that. How she can live with herself is not up to us to ponder and contemplate, and that includes our Mayor Winters. As if we could even begin to comprehend "what was she thinking, if thinking at all".

Mr Winters said (The Daily Post November 14) that "Nia's abusers or any other child abusers should never be allowed to live a normal life or this type of horrific abuse would continue to haunt our communities". Thankfully it is not yet up to the citizens of this country, including our Mayor, to determine who can or can not be allowed to live a normal life, once released from prison.

I don't think there is any crime that disgusts and outrages society so much as the abuse of children. Abuse that can and sometimes does lead to a child's death.

But I believe our Mayor is wrong to say that Lisa Kuka has no place left in normal society. She and other child abusers come from the very society we all live in, not from outer space. They will, on their release, return to where they came from.

This is what we should be working on now. Preparing for that day. Because it will come and jumping up and down then, will, as it is now, be a waste of time.

If we are ever to see a reduction in child abuse in New Zealand we need to look close to home. Lisa Kuka and the Curtis brothers came from home environments that were breeding grounds for all manner of damaging and destructive behaviour.

Let's concentrate on these areas and start to chip away at making the necessary changes in the homes where children are being brought up.

This is hard work because some families "don't know what they don't know". And you won't get many people putting their hands up wanting to work with these families. Those who do provide services to vulnerable children, and at risk parents, should be adequately paid for the gutsy work they do. If the home environment doesn't change nothing else will.

We also need to encourage the development of healthy self esteem in girls and young women. Especially those from homes already known as "high risk". Mount major campaigns, and keep them going. Young women need to know they have unlimited potential. That they are valued by their families, friends and the communities. Teach them the skills and give them the tools to deal instantly with men who seek to put them down or attempt to manipulate their young minds. Show them examples of what they will see and hear when someone says "I love you" and means it. Let them know they don't have to be a meal ticket for any man and not to be conned into providing him with a place to stay.

Our country is littered with men who move into homes provided by women with children. That should be one of the first warning signs. Keep them out of the homes and away from the children.

In Lisa Kuka's case her rehabilitation should have started the first week she entered prison. A complete health check including an IQ assessment. We can't assume she can read and write to adult level. If she can't she's going to struggle with some of the programmes provided in prison designed to help her.

Can she communicate? If she's never been encouraged to open her mouth and speak, always been told to "shut the f*** up" this will be another challenge to overcome.

As for trusting and confiding in someone, that may happen. There is so much behaviour unlearning ahead for Lisa Kuka before she can even begin to acknowledge the enormity of what she allowed to happen to her daughter. She will never again have a normal life. But she is entitled to one.