Rotorua Daily Post
  • Rotorua Daily Post home
  • Latest news
  • Business
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Property
  • Sport
  • Video
  • Death notices
  • Classifieds

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • On The Up
  • Business
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Residential property listings
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
  • Rural
  • Sport

Locations

  • Tauranga
  • Te Puke
  • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Tokoroa
  • Taupō & Tūrangi

Media

  • Video
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-Editions
  • Photo sales

Weather

  • Rotorua
  • Tauranga
  • Whakatāne
  • Tokoroa
  • Taupō

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • What the Actual
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Rotorua Daily Post / Opinion

Felix Desmarais: Why I'm not a pop star

By Felix Desmarais
Rotorua Daily Post·
2 Oct, 2022 07:00 PM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌

Subscriber benefit

The ability to gift paywall-free articles is a subscriber only benefit. See more offers by clicking the button below.

Already a subscriber?  Sign in here
Save

    Share this article

    Reminder, this is a Premium article and requires a subscription to read.

The recent passing of Margaret Urlich (pictured) got Felix Desmarais thinking. Photo / File
The recent passing of Margaret Urlich (pictured) got Felix Desmarais thinking. Photo / File

The recent passing of Margaret Urlich (pictured) got Felix Desmarais thinking. Photo / File

Opinion

"Oh yeah, yeah, sexy underwear, oh yeah, yeah, sexy underwear".

Thus, with those genius lyrics, my pop star career should have begun.

Alas, somehow, it was not to be.

The recent passing of Margaret Urlich catapulted me back in time to my first singing obsession.

I shouldn't really admit to it, but it was Urlich's rendition of I Don't Know How To Love Him from the New Zealand Jesus Christ Superstar soundtrack.

Open up the latest news from Rotorua

Get daily headlines from the Rotorua region straight to your inbox.
Please email me competitions, offers and other updates. You can stop these at any time.
By signing up for this newsletter, you agree to NZME’s Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Four years old, I was entranced, listening to it on repeat.

Next came Celine Dion's The Power of Love - not just the song - the whole album. Five years old, I'd sit at our brand spanking new stereo, headphones on, and at the top of my voice:

"The whispers in the morning, of lovers slee-eepin' tiiight ..."

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Needless to say, I was far ahead of the curve when Dion shot to superstardom in 1997 with Titanic hit My Heart Will Go On. I'm telling you, it's not a patch on 1993's Everybody's Talkin' My Baby Down.

I still know the lyrics to the whole album, 29 years later. Fight me: it's a classic.

Discover more

Spare a thought for those working today

25 Sep 10:32 PM

Felix Desmarais: Royals seem like part of the family

18 Sep 09:00 PM

Comment: This is the most important rule in life

11 Sep 11:00 PM
Lifestyle

Felix Desmarais: The pronunciation of 'helicopter' has me in a spin

04 Sep 09:00 PM

With that, I knew what I wanted to be. A pop star. I wanted to sing in arenas to sell-out audiences.

A few years later I built my own guitar. I use "guitar" loosely here. I hammered together splintery four-by-twos and strung some nylon across it with nails.

You have to start somewhere.

I roped my neighbours and cousin into starting a band. After much discussion, the name Sault was landed on. It was inspired by the surf shop Assault which was the height of cool in the 1990s in Mount Maunganui. We staged our first and only live performance in a carport.

Two family dogs formed a mildly engaged audience.

I'm reliably informed by the internet that there is now a relatively successful neo-soul band with that name, and I can only assume its members were inspired by our trailblazing performance. I expect a royalty cheque in the mail any day.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

I'm a bit surprised they didn't approach me for the rights to play our lead single, Sexy Underwear, however. The real genius there was rhyming underwear with yeah, you see. It was edgy too, going on to say "you think you are so cool, posing in your ... oh yeah, yeah, sexy underwear".

Don't tell me that's not catchy.

If not that song, I would have thought they would have mooched around the b-side, Cameron, about a cat called Cameron.

My desire for pop stardom intensified at the rise of the three-piece boy band Hanson. If they could do it, so could I. To be fair, there isn't that much of a gulf between oh yeah, yeah, sexy underwear and MMMbop.

There was one big difference though.

I can't sing. At all. I can't even speak in tune, let alone sing.

A lot of people tell me, "oh everyone can sing, you just have to learn how to use the instrument".

Then they hear me attempt to sing.

It's not fair. I count among my cousins Aria-award-winning singers, chart-topping pop and country stars. Insane talents. But the gene ruthlessly completely skipped me.

I am grateful, however, that I know this. It would be far worse if I didn't. It's brutal, but it's pretty much because my parents let me know, as gently as they could. It's a fine line because it hurts at the time, but it is a kindness.

Sometimes you see parents push their children and promote them - especially through social media - when they really shouldn't, and I worry for those kids.

I thought pop star fame would help me be important and help my life have meaning. I think that's what motivates some of those stage parents, which at its core is genuine enough. But fame can be a destructive force, it takes away privacy. And there's nothing wrong with an ordinary, happy life.

I might not ever be a chart-topping success, but hey, I'll always have Celine, the carport and sexy underwear.

• Felix Desmarais is a journalist and mostly-former stand-up comedian who sold out very cheaply.

Subscriber benefit

The ability to gift paywall-free articles is a subscriber only benefit. See more offers by clicking the button below.

Already a subscriber?  Sign in here
Save

    Share this article

    Reminder, this is a Premium article and requires a subscription to read.

Latest from Rotorua Daily Post

Rotorua Daily Post

'Eyesaur'? Controversial new sculpture in Waikato

19 May 06:00 AM
Rotorua Daily Post

'Cap in hand': Mayor pushes for second bridge for town

19 May 04:05 AM
Rotorua Daily Post

Teen campaigner to deliver letters to Luxon by bike

18 May 11:56 PM

The Hire A Hubby hero turning handyman stereotypes on their head

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Recommended for you
Israel allows 'basic amount' of food into Gaza, then 24 hours later kills more than 20
World

Israel allows 'basic amount' of food into Gaza, then 24 hours later kills more than 20

19 May 08:48 AM
'Feared for her life': Man tried to strangle ex before setting her clothes on fire
Crime

'Feared for her life': Man tried to strangle ex before setting her clothes on fire

19 May 08:00 AM
'Extremely devastating': Mum's tribute, homicide investigation into daughter's death
New Zealand

'Extremely devastating': Mum's tribute, homicide investigation into daughter's death

19 May 07:52 AM
Erin Patterson allegedly visited death cap site before fatal lunch
World

Erin Patterson allegedly visited death cap site before fatal lunch

19 May 07:06 AM
'Smash her': Family evicted after property manager threatened
Property

'Smash her': Family evicted after property manager threatened

19 May 07:00 AM

Latest from Rotorua Daily Post

'Eyesaur'? Controversial new sculpture in Waikato

'Eyesaur'? Controversial new sculpture in Waikato

19 May 06:00 AM

'Boom Boom' is the sculpture trail's 13th artwork and the first in a new sculpture park.

'Cap in hand': Mayor pushes for second bridge for town

'Cap in hand': Mayor pushes for second bridge for town

19 May 04:05 AM
Teen campaigner to deliver letters to Luxon by bike

Teen campaigner to deliver letters to Luxon by bike

18 May 11:56 PM
When speed limit on Napier-Taupō state highway will increase

When speed limit on Napier-Taupō state highway will increase

18 May 09:57 PM
Gold demand soars amid global turmoil
sponsored

Gold demand soars amid global turmoil

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • Rotorua Daily Post e-edition
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Subscribe to the Rotorua Daily Post
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • What the Actual
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven CarGuide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP
search by queryly Advanced Search