David Beck: Covid-19 is obviously no fun, but why do I feel guilty?

Catching Covid-19 has brought on a range of different emotions. Photo / Getty Images

OPINION
Anger, frustration, sadness and even guilt are some of the feelings I have experienced since catching Covid-19 last week.

Last Thursday, I woke with a tickle in my throat so to be on the safe side I took a rapid antigen test (RAT). The dreaded double lines appeared and it was confirmed, I had Covid-19.

It is a strange sensation, one that hundreds of thousands of Kiwis are currently experiencing, to finally catch this illness that we have read and heard so much about during the last two years.

Luckily, I'm triple-vaccinated so the actual symptoms have been similar to the common cold and I am able to work from home. I am very aware that it could be a lot worse. However, it's the emotions that came with the experience which have surprised me.

Catching Covid-19 seemed like an inevitability. There were more than 20,000 new cases a day in New Zealand when I got it, so I was not surprised.

On that first day, there was anxiety. I had no idea where I picked up the virus or who I may have passed it on to. The weekend prior I had been away with friends, including two of their newborn babies. The day before I tested positive, I had spent time with the child I mentor through the Big Brother, Big Sister programme. What if I'd passed it on to one of them?

We then had to brush up on the exact rules around isolation, which included the household going into 10 days of isolation. This is where the guilt set in.

My girlfriend and one other flatmate were at home that week, so they had to isolate as well. My flatmate manages a restaurant which I knew was already short-staffed. I kept telling myself it was not my fault, I had not asked to have Covid-19, but I could not help but feel bad.

On Monday, day six of my isolation period, my girlfriend tested positive. This means her isolation period resets. We are due to pick up the keys to our first home next week, a once-in-a-lifetime experience that she will no longer get to experience in person. Once again, I knew I'd done all I could to prevent her catching Covid but I could not help but feel like it was my fault.

There was also sadness and frustration.

I was meant to attend one of my best friend's weddings at the weekend but my isolation period meant there was no way I could do so. It was something I had been looking forward to for about a year and while I am so very aware that many others are going through so much worse, it just didn't seem fair. Selfishly, I sulked about it for days.

Now with a few days left of isolation, I am through the worst of it and, on reflection, there are some silver linings.

We're lucky to be going through this pandemic at a time when technology is so advanced. We got dressed up, poured a few glasses of wine and watched a live stream of the wedding. We were even able to sign some of the documents for our new home via Zoom.

I've also been blown away by how kind people have been. Every single one of my workmates and multiple others in this great little community have offered to drop things off if needed or have sent messages checking in. I feel very blessed.

It may seem a cliché but to me, it is another great reminder of how important it is to be kind to each other during these unsettling times.