Separation and divorce advice from CAB

Citizens Advice Bureau manager Jenny Pearce. Photograph by Warren Buckland

A few weeks ago, our Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) column gave some important advice for anyone about to enter a new relationship. We also get calls and visits from people whose relationships may be coming to an end. Or have already ended. Here are some examples.

Our relationship of seven years seems to be over. So what do we do?

Just how definite is the possible breakup? If there's any chance at all of saving the relationship, we strongly recommend counselling as a means of helping couples understand and resolve conflicts and improve their relationship. Even if one of the parties refuses to participate, it could still be worthwhile the other person meeting with a counsellor. We can direct you to trained counsellors.

Sadly, it's a definite breakup. So what comes next?

You really need a Separation Agreement so both parties are clear about exactly when your relationship ended. If you are in a legal marriage or civil union, this can help prove you've been separated for two years or more if later you want to file for divorce. Most importantly, the Separation Agreement should set out precisely what you'll each be responsible for, such as caring for any children, what happens about your house or flat and ongoing costs, looking after pets, dividing up your assets (if you've been together three years, the general rule is that the split has to be 50:50).

If you and your partner can reach a written and signed agreement on these things — or even some of them — you will save yourselves time, worry and expense. Otherwise, you may need the Family Court's help which will involve lawyers and probably some cost. If you are eligible, is the possibility of Legal Aid being available for family matters.

Actually, we can't agree on day to day care and contact issues with the children.

If this is the case, it is expected that both parents attend a Parenting Through Separation course. It is Government-funded and takes approximately four hours, in two two-hour sessions. The objective being, to develop a parenting plan covering all aspects relating to your children. Citizens Advice can put you in touch with the agencies charged with running these courses. If you are, unfortunately, unable to complete a parenting plan that is acceptable to all parties, then it becomes a matter for the Family Court involving family lawyers for both parents and the children. The court will eventually issue a Parenting Order which is binding on all parties. The Ministry of Justice website www.justice.govt/family covers all aspects of separation and is user friendly.

Assuming I will be the children's main caregiver, can I stay in the house and retain all its contents?

The Family Court must consider the interests of all dependent children. The court can make orders —

● Delaying the division of relationship property, so the main caregiver of the children doesn't suffer unfair difficulty

● Covering occupation or tenancy allowing the main caregiver to remain in the family home.

I'm concerned that my ex-partner is considering moving overseas with our children. Can this happen without my agreement?

You can ask the Family Court to make it a condition of a Parenting Order that dependent children cannot be removed from this country by either parent. If you are concerned that this may be happening soon, you can apply to the court for an order preventing removal, which may be granted if taking the child away would breach a current Parenting Order or you have applied for one that makes you responsible for the child's day to daycare.

Your Will

We always strongly advise everyone to have a will and to review it regularly, especially when anything changes that could affect your previous intentions. Once a relationship has definitely broken down, both parties should immediately look to making a new will. Lawyers and trustee companies specialise in drafting wills or you can purchase a do it yourself will kit from leading stationers.

■ If you need any further help about anything at all, please don't hesitate to contact us at the Napier Citizens Advice Bureau on 06 835 9664 or call free on 0800 367 222. Email napier@cab.org.nz Or drop in and see us at the Bureau at 126 Hastings St. (above the BNZ in Napier), between 9am and 12.30pm weekdays during the month of June.