Tourist costs at hot spots could cost us - Wyn Drabble

Tourists might wonder about extra costs, given they will have already paid a levy on entering the country, writes Wyn Drabble. Photo / NZME

The Government is considering introducing new foreign visitor charges at some of New Zealand’s famed tourist hot spots.

It has named Milford Sound, Aoraki/Mt Cook, Mautohe/Cathedral Cove and the Tongariro Alpine Crossing, and it intends to add another six sites in the near future (Ohakune’s big root vegetable might be in the firing line, for example).

A sign (in pleasing, natural alpine colours) might read: Welcome to Aoraki/ Mt Cook. Please pay at the booth and follow the arrows. Retain your ticket as proof of payment. Caution is advised at all times. No riff-raff.

In small, almost unreadable print across the bottom might be: Relax, we will spend your money wisely.

The proposed fees will help the development of tourism infrastructure, particularly in areas with high visitor numbers. It will also contribute to conservation initiatives. It’s easy to see this turning into a political hot potato as governments change.

Tourists might wonder about it, too, given that they will have already paid a levy on entering the country. It will be someone’s job to explain that this is a different levy, that there are distinct differences between the two, and how their respective funds will be spent.

There will be sound arguments for and against this whole idea, but I’m not one to engage in research or debate. I’m not even going to think about the idea, because my mind tends to work in stranger ways. In fact, my imagination is already taking me off on a slightly different but still related tangent.

So, today’s little story starts after an American tourist has just arrived in the country and strikes up a conversation with a local in the hope of receiving some valuable advice from an insider.

US Visitor: Hello there. We’ve just arrived and would like to know some places we should visit and things we should do in your cute little country, things that won’t cost us an arm and a leg.

Kiwi: Oh, yeah, kia ora. Welcome to Godzone. So, yeah, nah, you could hook up with someone who’s got a bach in the wop-wops. It’d be nothing flash but probably comfy as, though there might be a long drop dunny out the back next to a kōwhai tree.

All you’d need is a lilo, some stubbies and jandals, and you’d be away laughing. There would probably be a barbie out the back too, so you could cook up a few snags.

Or you might find a neighbour who’s putting down a hangi. That’s real Kiwi kai. And you’d need a chilly bin to keep your brews cold.

If it’s not brass monkey weather, you could pitch a tent under a pōhutukawa tree at a beach. Perfect if it’s a cracker day. Don’t forget your togs and some mozzie repellent. Collect some kaimoana and Bob’s your uncle. It’ll cost bugger all. Straight up, g.

And if you’re driving in Godzone, remember that most of us drive on the left and you’ll need to look out for judder bars.

If you’re feeling peckish at any time, you can grab a mince ‘n’ cheese or potato top from any dairy. Or a packet of yummy bikkies and some chuddy. Plenty of shops where you can grab some greasies, too.

If you’re passing through Ngāruawāhia, my cuzzie’s a cow cocky there and he would let you crash on the couch for a box of beers. Same goes for another cuzzie in Te Awamutu.

So, no worries. Rattle your dags and get into it. It’ll be like … like … well, it’ll just be like. Yeah, nah, should be sweet as, eh?

US Visitor: Excuse me?