The Hits: Jamming on his birthday

The Hits DJ Adam Green.

Birthdays aren't what they used to be. I should know, I've had HEAPS and just had another.

For a start, when you get new shoes no one asks how fast they go. And when you DO run up the hallway really fast not a single person says "Wow, must be those new shoes making you go so fast, you could probably win cross-country in them!"

When you suggest a nice round of pass the parcel, instead of enthusiastic nods of agreeance, you get a sideways glance and not a single nod. Your mate Dave says "Is there whisky in it?" Clearly not Dave, but there is a prize in every layer and the main one's a really good yoyo.

It was with some hesitation I approached this year's birthday; I had a right mind to cancel it because as I've mentioned I've had quite a few now and I'd actually prefer to spend a few more years at the age I am than get any older.

However, it still turned up, as birthdays have a tendency to do and so I had to roll with it. I was fortunate to spend the morning at work, and my co host Megan made sure that we celebrated, on account of me completely forgetting HER birthday last year, and only remembering once the radio show was done. (Have you ever seen someone shoot actual knives from their eyes? Let me tell you I have!)

I went home and entered gingerly lest there be a surprise party waiting (With of course only 99 guests as we are in Covid alert red) but the only surprise that lay in wait was a small pile of cat vomit, a brown mat of hair and biscuits laid perfectly on the carpet, and not the wooden floor.

And so with nothing else laid out before me I decided I'd make jam, which seemed like a fun activity, but very quickly became more of a job then a delightful time celebrating another trip around the sun. On and on I boiled the plums and sugar, staring into the tacky mess as it bubbled away, wondering what the other January birthday adults were doing with their day.

Finally, with my oldest T-shirt draped across my bedraggled shoulders, (because I knew I'd get jam on me, and I did) I slid the plum jam into the jars, and admired the four litres of spread I'd created. On the bright side, I've got enough jam to last me to 80!