If you wanted to graph it, “the worm” in cricket commentaries would be a good model. One line (or worm) is yellow and it tracks how much you earn. Sneaking up on it and eventually overtaking it is the red worm which tracks the cost of insuring your health.
In the event of a calamity (eg death) the Duckworth-Lewis system can be brought in to play … but … oops … I think my train of thought derailed there. Sorry!
Probably the worst sort of insurance I have had is car breakdown insurance. When I eventually needed it because my car suffered a breakdown, the insurers had a sneaky version of events.
For my one breakdown, I knew I had to pay an excess – let’s say, for argument’s sake, it was $250 – but the insurers wanted three excess fees.
Me: But why?
Insurance spokesman: Because we’ve examined the car and found that three different things happened to cause the problem. Each one of those requires an excess.
Me: So I was driving along and suddenly, all in a single nanosecond, three different things happened? It was like they planned it and synchronised their watches. They had plotted and waited for their moment.
Spokesman: Correct.
Me: When you’ve fixed the three problems and taken my $750, there’s something else I’d like you to do for me please.
Spokesman: Yes?
Me: Cancel my policy.
Imagine that same spokesman on this real case from USA. The owner of a classic Jaguar noticed something wrong with his car when it started overheating then stopped completely. It was towed to a mechanic who found that a snake had wrapped itself round the drive-belt pulleys causing the belt to slip off and the car to overheat.
Spokesman: You will need to pay three excess fees please: one for the snake, one for the belt slipping off, one for the overheating.
Jaguar owner: But that’s absurd!
Spokesman: That’s how we operate. We’ve got to make a living.
You need to accept that your insurer doesn’t want to pay out on claims as that can be very costly for them. They might tell you that your claim has been turned down because of an exclusion clause which was outlined in the small print of the document you signed.
When they say small print they mean infinitesimal print which even your Coke-bottle-bottom glasses will not enable you to read. Only with scientific-grade magnification – available from all Nasa outlets – would you have ever seen the words, “We will never pay your claim. Nyeer nyeer.”
I’m not suggesting that policyholders are faultless in the insurance claims area. I’ll close with some real statements from claimants.
- I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.
- I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
- The car in front of me stopped for a yellow light so I had no choice but to hit him.
- Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.
