Hands up all fargglers who fancy a free shnak

ROGER MORONEY
If you think you're something of a crash-hot farggler, then you may be able to turn your farggling boasts into cool, hard farggling cash.
But don't figure on having things your own way ... not if there are a couple of dab-hand shnik shnak shnukkers chancing their way around the country - all raising not their voices, but their hands.
And skilled hands at that, if you care to believe what the promoters of the Kiwi leg of the World Rock Paper and Scissors Championship are saying as they prepare for the New Zealand championships in a couple of months.
So what is the farggling shnuk business about?
Well, we call it simple old Rock, Paper and Scissors but the Americans call it Farggling ... and the Germans call it Shnik, Shnak, Shnuk ... and in South Africa they call it Ching, Chong, Chow.
You know the game.
You use one hand to make the sign of the rock (a clenched fist) or the paper (open palm) or the scissors (first two fingers in a V). The rock can break the scissors but the paper can wrap around the rock. The scissors can cut the paper. If you make the rock sign and your opponent makes a paper sign, then he or she wins. But if they threw out the scissors signal, you win. Simple, yeah? So, if you think you have (to quote the promoter) "the wits, speed, dexterity and strategy", then you could be a world champion and get a cheque for $10,000 just for making silly hand signals. I can go with the speed and dexterity bit ... but strategy? This isn't five-card stud or ace high poker; this is the random issuing of strange hand signals which doesn't even have anything to do with any mysterious lodges or whatever. However, whoever wins the New Zealand title in a few months' time will have the last laugh over those like me who make light of such obscure "sporting" endeavours. For they will have secured a ticket to the world championship finals in Toronto later this year, plus a few bob, of course. But wait, hand hoverers, there's more. Entry is free. However, there's a bit of a downside for Hawke's Bay fargglers in that none of the eight regional heats is being held here. You'll have to head for Tauranga , Hamilton, New Plymouth or Wellington. So, if those boots are made for walking (that far), then those hands should be just fine for farggling.