Who wants to play a game? It's for the childless, new parents, and those who don't have kids in sport yet.

Let's call it "Super Unnecessary Caring for Kids Saturdays" Or SUCKS for short.

The first rule of SUCKS. Get up super early. Probably around half five in the morning, because you're going to need a lot of extra time.

Make a coffee. Don't drink it, leave it on the bench to go cold. Get someone in your house in another, far-flung room of the house to yell "Muuuuuuum Daaaaaaad" then something unintelligible about looking for something.


Make your way down the hallway and trip over something. When you get to the room realise that thing you tripped over was the thing your playmate was looking for, and that the playmate placed it there two minutes previously.

Ask your fellow game player to put their socks on, four times.

Quickly gather all, as yet unprepared tag-a-longs that are wandering aimlessly through your hallway and drive to whatever store it is that you can find that is a. open at 7.30am and b. Sells mouthguards because you forgot you needed one.

Go back home, notice cold coffee on the bench, take a swig and shudder as the icy caffeine makes its way into your system.

Ask your fellow game player to put socks on, five times.

Look inside the backpack left in the corner of the room and find mouldy orange peel in a long forgotten lunchbox, and gag as you pour the putrid mix into the compost.

Ask your fellow game player to put socks on, loudly this time, eight times.

Carry a single sports shoe around your house while lifting every possible thing a shoe could be under, including the couches, bedspreads and any clothing before looking in places a shoe couldn't even possibly be, like the fridge and on top of the wardrobe.


Discover shoe in the same backpack that contained the mouldy peel.

Place the socks ON your fellow gamer's feet while muttering under your breath "I. Only. Asked. You. A. Million. Times."

Run from your house, lock the door, get everyone in the car. Ask your fellow gamers if they went to the toilet. They'll all tell you no. Get out of the car, unlock the house, put everyone in the bathroom for 10 minutes and then do it all in reverse.

Then get ready to do it all again next weekend. Unless you get a new game, Weather Is Nasty, or WIN. You might get a day off SUCKS, that's a WIN for sure. — Adam

*Don't miss Adam Green and Megan Banks on The Hits Hawke's Bay from 6am to 9am Monday to Friday.