Ana Apatu: Please reach out if you need help

Ana Apatu

I AM invited to attend the Hawke's Bay District Health Board's Fusion Group meeting.

This is a group of managers established to provide guidance and allocation of resources in response to suspected suicides in Hawke's Bay. The group discusses the pending anniversary of three young people from Flaxmere who died in November 2013. All were known to each other. Suicide is a sensitive topic to write about and needs to be handled sensitively.

These past 12 months have seen an increase in suicide rates in Hawke's Bay. Stages of grief and disbelief have rocked our community this past year and it has been tragic for those left behind. It appears to affect certain groupings of people. When an adolescent or young adult dies it does have an effect on their peers.

Another group is rural males, who perhaps are socially isolated and struggling with stress, and then there are those who struggle with severe depression, which was the case with Chris my late husband's best friend. Tragically sad and a struggle for those of us left behind. Te Aranga responds to suicides from Paharakeke Flaxmere. Families come together to share their grief and anxiety. Pam and Henare O'Keefe are asked to sit in with these families - "we don't need to say anything; we are just there to love and support them". A coroner comes to the marae requesting support to access affected local families.

Recently I was approached by Hana from Flaxmere who asked me if I would share her personal story. Hana Stevenson is a 35-year-old mother of four. She recently had a young person close to her who took her own life. Hana shares with me that she herself had a tough time growing up. She was subjected to abuse, including sexual abuse, and had more than one attempt to take her own life.

She believes because of this first-hand experience she is able to share her life stories with others to raise the awareness and knowledge of risk factors and where to go for help. Gambling, violence, alcohol (and cigarettes she says after reading my last column) are just simply ways of easing the pain. Hana eventually sought counselling which has helped her to heal her relationships with her family.

"This generational hurt, we have to let it go" she says. We need to stop hurting ourselves and others. We need to put love and care out there - we parents have to step up. We need to demonstrate respect and love. We simply need to interact more with our children. It could be just as simple as going out there and playing ball with your child. All a child really wants is a lot of affection and love.

Hana tells me she has started a support group at the Ron Giorgi clubrooms every Friday 10am-2pm. Everyone is welcome. In her words she wants to make a change. Making sure we connect with people is one of the most powerful ways we can help distressed people. Many whanau do not know where to go for help, or are suspicious of agencies.

Hana ensures families are linked to agencies. She watches out for comments on Facebook and follows up with families if she believes individuals are at risk. She believes we keep suicide hidden, which is not healthy. Her comments to me, which are backed up by resources I have read in preparation for this article, are that appropriate conversations matter.

One way to really know if a person is thinking about suicide is to ask them. Asking someone about suicide in a supportive way will not put them at greater risk of suicide. Some people are relieved when other people reach out and start conversations about suicide. If we discuss suicide in the right way, we can reduce the risk. Talking about suicide in the right way can also increase our understanding, reduce stigma, and encourage us to seek help.

In conclusion, if you read this article and feel vulnerable, or know of someone that needs help and support, please reach out. Our Kiwi stoicism can be our downfall. I hit rock bottom last year emotionally and found counselling such a gift. One point of access is to talk to your GP.

There is also help with Lifeline 0800 543 354 and http://www.commonground.org.nz or www.depression.org.nz. Please reach out.

• Ana Apatu is chief executive of the U-Turn Trust, based at Te Aranga Marae in Flaxmere.