In Raro, this is what being married to your job means

Will Johnston. Photo/George Novak

Here's what doesn't suck: Rarotonga. I know, you're shocked. You thought "Ew, Raro.

Gross, why would anyone want to go to that tropical island?"

Don't worry, this isn't me telling you about how amazing my holiday was. Other people's holidays have about an eight-minute limit in my brain, so if you can't get through the highlights package in that time, then you've lost me!

Here's what I will tell you, though - being a celebrant in Rarotonga would be one of the sweetest gigs ever! The reason I went there a couple of weeks back was to be the "celebrant" and MC for some good mates of ours.

There has to be an official Cook Islands celebrant present to do the "I now pronounce you" bit and the signing, but literally anyone can do all the rest of the ceremony! Enter JK ...

JK is a Cook Islands celebrant. He's originally from Hawera (Taranaki. C'mon, you weren't that bad a geography at school were you?) He married a Cook Islands girl and has been in Raro for 45 years. He's a big fella and his record is 325 weddings in one year. Sometimes he does four in a day.

He's a funny guy, he's a great celebrant - I'm sure - but I'm glad I'm not him.

Raro hosts about 800 weddings a year and only a handful of celebrants aren't linked to a church. From what I gather, the ceremonies are "insert your name here". The celebrant sends you couple of ceremony options (if you're lucky), you write your name in to the gaps at the top, halfway through and the bottom - and you're done. The ceremony is a page long!

All of that is an extreme example of why I became a celebrant here in the bay. I was sick of going to boring, impersonal and long weddings filled with love metaphors that no one actually cares about.

Though I'm sure JK's weddings are fine and there's a few funnies in there... when I asked him what he does in his down-time, he said: "Mate, I don't have down-time, I'm too busy playing golf and drinking!"

What a life. Bet his wife loves that. Ha!

Will Johnston is host of The Hits 95FM Day Show. Live and local from 9am till 3pm, every weekday in the Bay of Plenty.