When you think of alcohol abuse support groups, Alcoholics Anonymous immediately springs to mind.
But there is another side to alcoholism that is not so immediately obvious - the effects it has on the alcoholic's family.
That's where Al Anon comes in. Al Anon is a support group for people living with an alcoholic person in their lives.
The group is self funded, remaining autonomous - and anonymous, by not accepting donations or funding, and paying its own way.
Al Anon uses the same 12 steps as in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but has its own support book, called One Day at a Time in Al Anon.
On each page is a message that gives the reader something to think about for the day, and remind them it is okay to live life one day at a time when you're living with a drinker.
It's a group, and a book, that changed Mary's (name changed for privacy) life.
When Mary met her husband Jack (name changed), they "lived the high life", she said, drinking and partying. When their children were born, everything changed for Mary, but not for her husband.
Seeking help, the pair went to the Queen Mary Hospital rehabilitation centre in Hanmer Springs.
They watched a film about a family that had suffered from problem drinking.
"I found it quite amazing that we looked at the same film and saw different things."
After visiting the hospital, Jack did stop drinking for a little while, but he soon started up again, she said.
Then one day, he took off, leaving Mary and her children penniless with mounting bills, no way to pay the mortgage and no indication that he was ever coming back.
"I was the control, trying to hold it all together, and it didn't work," she said.
Mary moved in with her mother. When Jack sobered up, he came to find her and she "couldn't get rid of him".
Feeling isolated and constantly fixated on her husband's drinking, a friend made a resistant Mary promise to attend six weeks of Al Anon meetings.
"On my first visit, I thought 'Oh, those poor people'. By the end of the six weeks, I thought, 'Oh. They are me'. When you're living with alcohol, your sight becomes very small, and it's like a whole new world opened up. I learned to see the big picture."
Mary attended Al Anon meetings every week for seven years while her husband came and went in and out of her life.
"My mother encouraged me to keep going to Al Anon. I got grounded and found my feet. I learned to live my own life and make friends. You get very isolated when you live with a drinker."
Mary said her husband's drinking also had a profound impact on her children, causing her to make it her mission to show them another world outside drinking.
The couple are now separated. Mary's husband went off to "find himself" a number of years ago. His drinking has since become worse, she said.
"I don't know how he's made it so far, but it's no longer my business. I stayed with him off and on for 31 years, and I wish I had not waited that long.
"You don't have any money when you have a drinker in the house."
- To contact Al Anon for more information or to find the Wanganui group, call 0580 425 266 or 06 348 4745.
