Don't let setbacks sour your life

Kristen Hamling Photo/File

I was nicely reminded of an old adage this week "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade".

According to Wikipedia, this is a proverbial phrase used to encourage optimism and a can-do attitude in the face of adversity or misfortune. Lemons suggest bitterness, while lemonade is a sweet drink.

This can-do attitude was recently captured in a front-page Chronicle story about Wanganui resident Stephen Laidler, who was made redundant.

According to the story, Stephen dressed in a suit and tie and stood on a busy road in Wanganui with a sign saying: "Employ Me Please" along with his phone number. The story quoted Stephen: "To be honest, I expected to stand out here and be embarrassed and shamed, but people have been so supportive. I'm feeling very encouraged."

He had also applied for jobs and sent out 300 letters and emails to local businesses. His goal was reportedly to have a new job within a week.

The story has so far received more than 8000 shares on Facebook so there is certainly something in this story that resonates with people. Stephen gives us a pretty darn good example of what to do when you are given lemons. He could have sat with the bitterness of being made redundant and all the negative emotions that can come from that, or he could make lemonade. This is what he seems to have chosen to do.

Stephen's actions resulted in three job offers from local firms, and interest from the US, the Middle East and Australia. Rock on Stephen - you are a legend.

We are often dealt lemons in life, be it in the loss of a job, the loss of a loved one, or loss of our health. But it is what you do after this that determines whether you are to strengthen and grow from the experience or whither away and become depressed.

There are so many stories that I could tell you related to people who came out stronger and better off after a terrible situation. I saw it all the time in my work as a trauma psychologist, people making lemonade from lemons. Research has shown that for many people the process of working through and coping with adversity leads to significant personal growth. Granted, the research is related to more serious traumatic events. However, I think there are links to be made for most of us coping with a setback or tough time.

The process of working through adversity is called post traumatic growth. According to research, as a person works through the trauma they experience a greater appreciation for life, more meaningful interpersonal relationships, and enhanced spiritual beliefs. They have a new direction and purpose in life, and an increased sense of personal strength.

Many people seem to naturally do this and I would say that Stephen Laidler is one of these people. Others have to work at it a little more. I would say to those of you struggling with a really horrible situation, focus on the things that you can control. Seek support from family and friends, find people who can help you, work through each challenge step by step, and take your time.

So next time you are dealt lemons in life, consider what you are going to do with them.

-A registered psychologist with a masters in applied psychology, Wanganui mother-of-two Kristen Hamling is studying for a PhD in positive psychology at Auckland University of Technology.