Dr Libby: Do You Find It Hard To Say No? How To Make A Healthy Shift To Your Mindset

In this special series, guest writer Dr Libby Weaver shares her health insights. This week, she discusses reclaiming your power with one simple word.

So many of us find it difficult to say no – especially when we care deeply, want to help, seek to experience it all, or fear letting others down. I see this often in the women I work with. It’s stitched into the story of womanhood – the idea that we must be good girls, keep the peace and put everyone else’s needs above our own. We’re taught that to be a woman is to sacrifice, to nurture, to hold everything together – even when it costs us our own wellbeing. And while compassion and care are beautiful qualities, when they’re constantly directed outward without being replenished, they can leave us running on empty. Resentful. Disconnected from ourselves.

Saying no isn’t about being unkind or uncaring. It’s about being honest – with ourselves and with others. It’s about recognising what truly aligns with our energy, our values and our capacity, so we can give from a place of wholeness, not depletion. Time and again, I’ve met women – professionally and personally – who are immensely capable, endlessly generous and outwardly strong. Yet behind closed doors, they’re exhausted. They’ve said yes too many times, for too long. Learning to say no is one of the most powerful ways we can honour our energy, protect our physical and mental health and support our nervous system.

Over the years, I’ve heard countless women describe feeling torn – stretched between the needs of others and the quiet call of their own inner world. They’re trying to be everything to everyone, while hiding their fatigue behind a brave face. Yet this kind of chronic overextension takes a toll – not just emotionally or mentally, but physically, too. It can disrupt the harmony of our nervous system, immune function and hormonal balance.

Saying no with grace is not a rejection of others – it’s a reclamation of ourselves. One of my favourite quotes is attributed to Gandhi: “A ‘No’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble”. I think of this often when I speak with people who are afraid of what might happen when they express a ‘No’. The cost of always saying yes – of living out of alignment with our truth – is always far greater. We may just not recognise it at the time.

You might like to think of there being an art to saying no – and like any new skill, it takes time, patience and gentle practice. If it doesn’t come naturally to you, that’s completely okay. Begin by getting curious. Where in your life does no feel hardest to say? Is it at work, with your family, in your friendships? Once you’ve noticed the pattern, ask yourself – kindly – What am I afraid might happen if I say no? You may uncover a deeper fear of being judged, misunderstood, disapproved of, or seen as selfish. So often, these fears trace back to messages we absorbed in childhood – ideas about what makes us “good”, acceptable or lovable.

Another place I encourage contemplation is around the phrase, “I just don’t have time.” It’s something many of us say without thinking, especially when it comes to things like cooking for ourselves, exercising or getting enough rest. But what if, instead, we said, “That’s not a priority for me right now”? It’s not always easy to hear ourselves say that – but it’s often revealing. It invites us to ask: Does how I’m spending my time reflect what I truly value? Or am I simply moving through my days on autopilot, fuelled by obligation, habit or guilt?

If you’re someone who says yes almost by default, one simple shift can make a world of difference: press pause. You don’t need to give an immediate answer. If someone asks you to do something – join a committee, attend a gathering, take on another task – and your gut response is a subtle drop in your belly, give yourself space. You might say, “Let me check my calendar” or “I’ll need to think that through.” That brief pause can be all it takes to shift from automatic agreement to a response that honours your truth.

And if you need encouragement, focus on the gifts that saying no can offer. It might give someone else the opportunity to grow, to step up, or to realise they’re more capable than they believed. It can bring honesty into relationships, fostering authenticity and mutual respect. And it brings enormous benefits to our own lives – more spaciousness, clarity, calm and energy.

Boundaries are not walls – they can be bridges to a life that feels more aligned with your values, more nourishing. Saying no is not about rejection or resistance – it’s about honouring what matters most, to you. And the more we practise, the more natural it becomes. Your no can be gentle. It can be gracious. And it can be one of the most powerful tools you have to support your mental and emotional wellbeing. If this is something you’re working on, be kind to yourself. There’s no rush and no perfect way to do it. Each “no” that’s true for you creates more space for the yeses that really light you up. And in that space, you’ll find more of yourself – and more of the wellness you deserve.

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