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Greg Dixon’s Another Kind of Politics is a weekly, mostly satirical column on politics that appears on listener.co.nz.
Finance Minister Nicola Willis has been made New Zealand’s “feminist of the year” under controversial new legislation rushed through Parliament late last night. The Nicola Willis Reputational Harm (Feminist Cred) Amendment Act was passed under urgency after being introduced with no warning or public consultation just before Parliament was due to finish sitting at 10pm. The bill had all three readings in quick succession before being passed into law at what some Opposition MPs joked was the “de-witching hour”.
The act, authored by Willis, lowers the threshold for being a feminist to “a person who self-identifies as a feminist despite appearances to the contrary”. The act also states that “rushing through legislation affecting working women without the usual parliamentary due process or public consultation is a feminist act as long as it saves billions or a Budget or both”. Willis also awarded herself an honorary doctorate in feminist studies from Victoria University with the new law.
However, the most contentious clause in the new legislation makes Willis “New Zealand’s feminist of the year for 2025” for her “contribution to helping New Zealand working women understand that saving taxpayer dollars is way, way more important than they are, especially if they didn’t go to a private girls’ school or to university or are not a Member of Parliament”. The act also leaves open the door for Willis to be feminist of the year in perpetuity.
The passing of the Nicola Willis Reputational Harm (Feminist Cred) Amendment Act follows a week of controversy and nationwide protests in the wake of the rushing through Parliament of the Equal Pay Amendment Act 2025. Willis is understood to have demanded the coalition pass the new law after having her feminist credentials challenged by a newspaper columnist and protestors nationwide forcing Willis to spend this week defending last week’s new act, which dumped 33 pay equity claims and rewrote the pay equity rules making it tougher to make such claims.
The Nicola Willis Reputational Harm (Feminist Cred) Amendment Act is likely to be equally controversial, with one women’s rights activist labelling it overnight as “an egregious insult” to women and feminists. “Kate Sheppard must be spinning in her grave,” the activist said. “For a start, if the Equal Pay Amendment Act was such a great idea, why were the public and opposition MPs not allowed any input into a law change affecting tens of thousands of women?
“Willis’ support for that act damaged her right to claim she’s a feminist, and the Nicola Willis Reputational Harm (Feminist Cred) Amendment Act changes nothing. Willis can use as much feminist air fresher as she likes, but it ain’t hiding the stink.”
Oxford Dictionary discovers new definition of irony
The Oxford Dictionary says it will include a new definition of irony in its next edition after events in the New Zealand Parliament this week. It is expected that the new entry would be as follows:
Irony n. where women screw over women because they’re women then start accusing other women of attacking them because they are women.
Govt to ban the word “austerity” before next week’s Budget
Using the word “austerity” to describe government fiscal decisions is to be made a criminal offence. The National-led coalition is expected to rush legislation through Parliament early next week to ban the use of the word before next Thursday’s Budget is delivered by Finance Minister and Feminist of the Year, Nicola Willis.
The Nicola Willis Reputational Harm (No Lolly Scramble) Amendment Act is expected to be passed under parliamentary urgency and with no public consultation on Monday to prevent the use of the word “austerity” during the post-Budget debates in Parliament and by media and other New Zealanders.
Finance Minister Willis announced last month that she had cut $1 billion from her budget’s operating allowance, essentially the pool of new money put aside for new spending. Commentators now believe that the budget will make further deep cuts into government services while offering no extra help for ordinary New Zealanders, including those many thousands now living on the streets or those waiting for years for a hip replacement, making Budget 2025 the very definition of an “austerity” budget.
However, under the Nicola Willis Reputational Harm (No Lolly Scramble) Amendment Act, using the word “austerity” in relation to government fiscal decisions will now be illegal and punishable with a fine of up to a billion dollars and being sentenced to up to five years of listening to Willis strangling vowels.
“‘Austerity’ will become a non-word,” a government spokesperson said. “In its place, New Zealanders will be encouraged to use words like ‘prudent’ and ‘judicious,’ and phrases such as ‘stuff the poor.’”
Greens say “money tree” would fund its alternative budget
The Green Party gives every New Zealander a million dollars, a free e-vehicle, a free environmentally friendly house and a free rainbow-coloured unicorn in its alternative budget announced this week.
The party has just returned from La La Land, where it says it found a way to turn around the country’s fortunes, save the environment, deliver world peace, free Palestine and make every New Zealander richer than Croesus, according to co-leader Chlöe Swarbrick.
“While we were in La La Land we found something in the Magical Thinking Forest called a ‘money tree,’ which if fed with enough hot air, positive vibes and bullshit will provide New Zealand with as much money as it needs.”
Finance Minister and Feminist of the Year Nicola Willis described the Greens’ plan as “bonkers” and unbelievable. “There is no such thing as a money tree. The best way to get New Zealand’s finances out of the red is to run down government services and the economy until everyone moves to Australia.”
Political quiz of the week
Why is a fireman wearing breathing apparatus while standing next to the author of the Equal Pay Amendment Act 2025, Minister for Backstabbing Women Brooke Van Velden, who used the c-word in parliament this week?
A/ Because of the harmful atmosphere she’s created.
B/ Because of the poisonous atmosphere she’s created.
C/ Because of the noxious atmosphere she’s created.
D/ Because of the toxic atmosphere she’s created.
