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Greg Dixon’s Another Kind of Politics is a weekly satirical column on politics that appears on listener.co.nz.
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has denied he is rattled after being booed at a National Party caucus meeting this week. “It’s not uncommon for politicians to be booed at some events,” Luxon said.
However, a source with knowledge of the protest said Luxon was believed to have been caught off guard when, on entering his party’s parliamentary caucus room on Tuesday, many of his 47 MPs began jeering, hissing and blowing raspberries.
“There was a lot of very loud booing and catcalling as Chris came in the room,” the source said. “Even his loyal deputy Nicola Willis joined in. Some of the caucus had made signs saying things like ‘More Luck’s Out Than Luxon’ and ‘Luxon: Laser focused on losing in 2026’. Someone even threw a dildo.”
The incident is the second time in a less than a week that the Prime Minister has been made to feel unwelcome at an event. While on the stage at Auckland’s Trusts Arena on Sunday to present the winner’s trophy at netball’s ANZ Premiership, members of the crowd loudly booed Luxon as he was introduced.
However, the source said the mocking and taunting of the Prime Minister by his own caucus was much more serious, with parliamentary security being called in to protect Luxon. “At one point many MPs started chanting, ‘Vote him out, vote him out, coz he’s a loser without a doubt,’ before attempting to throw him out of the caucus room.”
At a press conference the following day, the Prime Minister denied his MPs were in revolt and said he was “really, really relaxed” about events at the caucus meeting.
“Listen, I was not loudly booed, I was treated very, very well. People were very nice to me at that event, and they often are across the whole of the country. I don’t want a bit of joshing to take away from what was an absolutely fantastic caucus meeting.”
It is understood that many National MPs, particularly those on the party list, have begun panicking about their political futures after recent opinion polls showed the coalition could be destined to be a single-term government. The source said MPs believed Luxon and Willis were also panic stricken about the effect the continuing high cost of living is having on the coalition’s popularity, particularly given this week’s desperate announcement around banning surcharges on card payments.
Luxon said he wasn’t concerned. “Look, there are always elements that will be frustrated with government, including government MPs. I get that. That goes with being a politician. There are a lot worse things that happen as well.”
Asked whether “worse things” included having a sex toy thrown at him by a sitting National MP, Luxon said “it wasn’t a dildo, it was a cucumber”.
Political quote of the week
Keep up the great work, Brooke
It is with great pleasure that Another Kind of Politics bestows the Employee of the Month Award on the Minister for Backstabbing Women and Workers, Brooke van Velden.
Van Velden this week impressed everyone with her lively and thoughtful press conference to announce that something was going to happen sometime about scaffolding rules, but she didn’t know what or when.
The following day she again dazzled everyone with her important press release about something happening about safety regulations around farm kids involved in high risk and unpaid work such as collecting eggs from chooks, feeding small animals and watering plants.
These are the sorts of important announcements about future announcements about something happening sometime somewhere after some sort of industry consultation that we need more of. With announcements like this Brooke is clearly continuing to make New Zealand the something in the middle of somewhere that we all want it to be sometime in the future.
This month’s Employee of the Month Award comes with a voucher for a free mindfulness retreat in St Heliers in Auckland, so that the hardworking Brooke can further focus her incisive thoughts and succinct plans for backstabbing women and workers.
Congratulations, Brooke! As for the rest of you, you’re not worthy to wipe the sweat from Brooke’s brow. Get back to work.
Principled Political Position of the Week (“Not Gaza” Edition)
Cows to strike over price of butter
The national dairy herd is to set strike next week over its concerns about the skyrocketing price of butter. A strike notice was issued by the country’s nearly 5 million cows that will see them refuse to enter milking sheds for 24 hours.
A spokescow called Bessie said that the national herd had been deeply moooved by the plight of ordinary New Zealanders who can no longer afford to buy New Zealand-made butter or cheese.
“The price of butter is emblematic of how ordinary New Zealanders are struggling to feed their families, despite the government’s election promise that it would bring down the cost of living,” Bessie said.
As many as a million cows are expected to march in a Hikoi of Hooves down the main streets of towns and cities around New Zealand on Tuesday in a show of solidarity with ordinary New Zealanders.
“The price of butter is outrageous, and we cows are certainly not seeing any of Fonterra’s massive profits from it,” Bessie said. “Fonterra’s CEO Miles Hurrell earns nearly $6 million a year; they pay us in grass.”
Flashback Friday: When Winston Met Nigel
