OPINION: To take it from some media reports, the new consciousness of gender fluidity has broadened to embrace the animal kingdom. Children are now flocking to identify as animals.
To take it from other reports, this is largely an alt-right hoax intended to panic kindly liberals, and the world’s schools are not, in fact, putting out litter trays and nosebags to cater for their self-proclaimed cat, dog and horse students.
To take it from the children themselves, longing to be a favourite animal is a normal part of being a kid, but if some adults suddenly want to indulge this fun fantasy, then woof, woof: let’s see how far we can take this.
The writer knows of one canny three-year-old who identifies as a fox, because foxes are nocturnal and he takes strenuous issue with his ordained bedtime hours.
There is a potentially serious side to this, which is why a British school is in crisis after a staffer was taped defending a little girl’s right to “be” a cat. The teacher assistant told other children who didn’t believe she was a cat that they were being meanly unsympathetic.
Playing at being animals, sports stars, TV characters and cartoons, cowboys and the like is developmentally healthy. But what are adults to do when a child genuinely appears to believe their bipedal body is wrong for them, and persists beyond the normal phase of such a preoccupation? Could it be a sign of abuse?
If not, cognitive behavioural therapy might suggest itself, but some grown-ups apparently think it kinder to accept the child’s chosen creature.
Trouble is, it’s hard to make other, non-animal-identifying children grasp the appropriate social nuances. As is well known by any parent who has been mortified by their offspring asking at the supermarket, in an outdoors voice, “Why is that man over there so fat?”, children are apt to state their minds. When the English schoolchildren argued with the teacher aide that the girl could not be a cat, her push-back upset them. Grown-ups aren’t supposed to pretend silly things – that’s the children’s job.
However, there is a well-established sub-culture of adults who do, to varying degrees, pretend to be animals. Activities such as cosplay and being a “furry” entail dressing and acting as real or cartoon animals for extended periods and even getting cosmetic modifications such as whisker implants. This is hardly more eccentric than staging battle re-enactments, dressing up like Star Trek crew or lavishing hours on creating model-railway scenery, as legions of people do. Fantasy can be engrossing and an antidote to real-life stressors.
Some people might secretly be animal-human hybrids. We all know someone so tail-thumpingly buoyant and happy to be alive that there’s surely a bit of labrador in their lovely soul. There are those so bristling with feline entitlement, you can practically see a stripy tail lashing and twitching behind them when they’re thwarted.
For the elders of children simply pushing the quadruped-identity button for the craic, a few suggestions.
Our fox boy’s parents might cash in on the fact that foxes are omnivores as an incentive to get him to eat his fruit and veges.
And the following might reawaken junior Homo sapienic urges:
“Sorry, darling, but we’ll have to put you in kennels when we go to Fiji these holidays.”
“We’re having pizza, but you enjoy your Whiskas, sweetie.”
“You can come to the beach, but you’ll have to stay on a leash.”
“It’s hay, but you can have a sugar lump or a carrot later as a special treat.”
“Sorry, honey, but horses aren’t allowed to play netball. Have you thought about training for the Melbourne Cup?”
