I’ve spent the week supporting my son’s school rugby team at the prestigious under-15 national tournament. This year it was held at Jonah Lomu’s former school, Wesley College, in Pukekohe, south of Auckland.
We took 25 boys and they, along with the coaches and management, stayed on a local marae.
What a privilege to be part of it, along with 16 schools from Otago Boys’ High to Auckland Grammar. The best teams were big, fast and powerful, and if you hadn’t put the work in you got found out. For our boys it was an eye-opener, but it was about more than rugby.
These tournaments are about life, they’re about growing these young men. It’s about showing them what it takes to get to the top. It’s about the boys bonding over rugby. It’s about them getting through the next five days and playing six games. That’s an incredible number of games in a short space.
Bodies will break; they will need to be mentally strong to get through. They will feel pain and bruises like never before, but they will grow and be better for it.
One of the best decisions was made early: to take their phones off them on day one and give them limited device time each day. Competing with one less attention-grabbing thing, the boys start to form tighter bonds.
Phones kill direct social interaction. That was obvious when the boys got access to them. The marae went quiet as they entered their self-absorbed digital worlds, posting highlights of themselves, and using social media apps to talk to mates three beds down.
I took the boys to tenpin bowling, where they had their phones. Half the group was interested, but there were social media tragics who barely registered where they were. The tragics were average, the focused ones did well. The tragics needed me to explain the rules four times; those without phones got it immediately.
Phones clearly distract progress and it’s sad to see boys who are borderline obsessive about their devices and are unable to do much without them. We challenged them to be better, to use this time wisely, to be in the moment and take advantage of the limited device time.
It worked. The boys began walking at 7am, sans phones, and talking to each other about rugby, about life, each other. It was satisfying to witness, especially when they started to share with one another about who their heroes are, who has suffered hardship. It meant we all learnt a great deal about one another.
The boys talked about love, loss and why, mainly, their parents are their heroes. I know the coaches want to develop these young boys into young men; to see it working is magical. It was an incredible 90 minutes in the marae’s wharenui.
These boys would admit they aren’t overly inspired by the classroom, and this trip represents a real break away from the relentless approach to academia. It’s hard to keep them in the classroom and motivated, and that’s made harder by shortened attention spans – which goes hand-in-hand with being on devices so often and for so long.
It makes me angry. As I see it, these devices are stealing life from them. We need to ban not just social media but devices for under 16s. It’s a privilege to experience something else, and the boys love being in a new environment. It’s exciting to be off school for a week playing rugby, but the development and results off the pitch suggest we need to plan more sporting trips and get out more.
These experiences are as important as the classroom, and we need more of them. It’s the answer to the social media epidemic. School must be educational and enjoyable. Sport is crucial to these boys’ development, and this trip is the first of its kind for these young men.
Gone are the days of boys playing for Auckland under 13, 14 or 15 teams. I reckon it was a bad call ditching those teams, because this is really the first time these boys will experience rugby on the road as a group. It bonds you for life. These boys will never forget it.
On the pitch, Tauranga Boys’ represented my son’s team a massive hurdle first up. Given we had all been up nursing seven sick boys with suspected gastro, we showed up, did okay, but ultimately lost.
Our sick boys slowly recovered – two went home – and we remarkably beat Hastings Boys’ 15-14. It took its toll. We emptied the tank; the cuts and bruises started to hurt. But we got through it, and the team had more time to recover. They played cards, read books and did old-school stuff like manhunt, a newer version of hide and seek.
We finished 12th out of 16 teams – it’s a tough competition – but the boys learnt what it takes to be at the top. They understand they can have fun and friendship without their phones.
For these young men, sport and outdoor recreation is the answer. So, to all educators, please keep organising sport. We need more events, more tournaments, more often, to counter the impact of the devices that are rewiring brains – and not for the better. It might just save our teenagers from themselves. Done well, it might save a generation.
Let’s not miss our chance.
