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What’s It Like To Be is a fortnightly column in which New Zealanders from all walks of life share first-hand experiences. Here, Paulette Crowley hears from psychologist Sophia Dawson about working with young people dealing with depression and mental health challenges, and what parents and caregivers can do to help teens navigate tough times.
WARNING: This article discusses suicide, depression and mental health issues.
I knew I wanted to be a psychologist when I was 15. I was so curious about the human mind and human behaviour, and I just wanted to understand them a bit better. I was one of those teenagers who wanted to be a mentor and be in a role of supporting others, particularly through tricky times… I knew I’d end up working with teens.
Six months after registering as a psychologist, I moved to the United Kingdom and ended up working in an adolescent inpatient unit in London for a year. It was one of the most powerful experiences I’ve had as a psychologist.
More often than not, the teenagers residing there had tried to take their own lives, and/or had severe mental health challenges, and therefore they needed to be hospitalised to keep them safe. We developed really strong relationships with the teens who lived on the ward. They were like our kids in a way – we worked where they lived – and so mixed in with therapy would be playing board games and baking.
A few years ago, I moved back home to New Zealand and started my own practice, Bloomers Psychology, again working with adolescents and adults. It really feels like there’s a lot happening in the world at the moment that isn’t conducive to mental wellness for our teens.
I’m only 15 or so years older than some of the teens, but this generation feels different to when I was younger. Now, if your friends go to a party that you’re not invited to, they post about it online and you see it straight away, and you can understandably feel a sense of rejection. There’s also a real problem with our urgency culture – we’re always contactable and expected to be “on” at all times.
Our young people are growing up in a tricky generation. They have instant access to the worst things that are happening in the world – wars, dreadful diseases, accidents and disasters – at their fingertips, on their phones. There’s also so much comparison able to take place with social media – people looking a certain way, with certain achievements and access to certain material things.
The pandemic and lockdowns are still affecting young people. I work with many teens who struggled with being isolated from their peers, or experienced disruption to their learning as a result of the lockdowns, and now anxiety or depression is getting in the way of them getting back to school. Quite often, a health school or third party has to support them back into school or into correspondence learning.
A lot of parents are really aware of changes in their child’s behaviour and realise they need extra support for their mental health. Practical things they can do to support their kids are centred around four pillars of wellness.
Nutrition is the first pillar. Our teens are growing up in a time when the amount of ultra-processed foods that they have access to is concerning. Also, our soil health is not as great as it used to be, so fruit and vegetables don’t have the same nutrient density as they used to, so they’re not getting the nourishment their brains need. I recommend gently educating young people around adding more whole foods to their diet, like meat, fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds and legumes. Support them to be curious about their mood and what they’re eating so they can see the impact that food has on them.
The second pillar is sleep and making sure they’re getting 8 to 10 hours a night.
The third is about making sure they have robust social connections. The latter is a hard one because, although social media can also cause harm, it can also create positive social connection with peers.
The fourth pillar is movement, supporting our teens to move their bodies. The word exercise holds a bit of stigma, as people hear that word and think they have to be doing some sort of high-intensity exercise or running. We can encourage teens to go for a walk with the dog or do some yoga or dancing … any movement that makes their bodies feel good.
If I had to add anything to these four pillars I would also suggest making sure there is some sort of meaning or purpose for the young person. We can encourage them to be curious about their future selves and the life they want to be living, and how that compares with the life they’re living now.
If their goal is to travel, it can make getting out of bed to go to work and earn money a bit easier. It’s then not about being at a job that they find a bit boring, but about having a job that is supporting them in service to their goals and helping them become the person they want to be. It’s about seeing that there is a bigger picture to these small behaviours that we make each day.
I recommend watching out for mental health red flags such as changes in behaviour, sleep and appetite, or lots of self-criticism and high expectations, or voicing of low mood or anxious thoughts.
If any of these things are noticeably different from your child’s usual behaviour and getting in the way of their lives (like going to school or playing sports and other activities they usually enjoy), it could be time to reach out for support.
Friday, November 1, is Gumboot Friday, a national campaign where New Zealanders are urged to “put on their gumboots” and raise funds to deliver immediate, free counselling to young Kiwis.
Where to get help:
• Lifeline: Call 0800 543 354 or text 4357 (HELP) (available 24/7)
• Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• Youth services: (06) 3555 906
• Youthline: Call 0800 376 633 or text 234
• What’s Up: Call 0800 942 8787 (11am to 11pm) or webchat (11am to 10.30pm)
• Depression helpline: Call 0800 111 757 or text 4202 (available 24/7)
• Helpline: Need to talk? Call or text 1737
Gumbootfriday.org.nz/get-a-counsellor
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111
