The heartbroken younger sister of Tony Parahi says she cannot bear to place a memorial cross at the fatal crash scene where her brother died.
"I'm still in denial, and placing a cross there is not for me to do right now, and it may never be," Sandra Parahi, 55, from Rotorua told the Rotorua Daily Post Weekend.
Tony Sebastian Parahi, 57, died on January 29, 2019, after losing control of his motorbike on Hamurana Rd after trying to avoid a tractor and trailer unit travelling in front of him.
The tractor's driver Casey Cave, 26, an agricultural contractor, was travelling between paddocks and pulled left to allow two cars to pass before accelerating and steering the tractor to the right.
Parahi was riding a 1442cc cruiser-style Harley-Davidson that weighed 303kg which landed on him after he lost control resulting in fatal crushing injuries.
A careless driving causing death charge against Cave was withdrawn last year. The inquest into Parahi's death held in Rotorua last month.
Coroner Bruce Hesketh said in his findings police did not believe a charge would be proven in court.
He found Parahi died from chest and abdominal injuries secondary to the accident after trying to avoid a collision with the tractor and trailer unit.
"I am satisfied Mr Parahi was travelling within the speed limit ... Mr Cave has misjudged the distance between the two vehicles when he made his turn.
"There was insufficient time for the tractor driver [Casey Cave] to have undertaken his road crossing manoeuvre," he said.
Hesketh also found speed and alcohol were not factors in the crash and ruled that the crash was "accidental but avoidable".
Parahi is survived by his four sisters and three brothers - his eldest sister Harriett Parahi-Eden, 61, died in 2016 and his parents Ranui and Nancy Parahi are also deceased.
He is also survived by his seven children, including a six-year-old son, and six grandchildren, Sandra Parahi said.
Parahi ran his own business TS Parahi Trade Assist and worked all over the country doing labour contracting work for electricians, his younger sister said.
"Tony was doing excellent work and he was heading home to Murupara after working in Tauranga that day when the crash happened," Sandra said.
She and Tony's life partner had been waiting for Tony to "hook up with them" for a telephone conference call to discuss family matters, but they never heard from him.
Then at about 5.45pm that day a police officer knocked on her door and told her that he had been killed, she said.
"I was instantly in shock mode and it really didn't register at first ... It was really horrible, very horrible. It was like the officer was talking but what he was saying wasn't real.
"I did not want to believe it," she said.
Sandra, who works as an administrator at a Rotorua funeral home, said she told the police she did not want a post mortem or autopsy performed on her brother.
"But a post mortem was done anyway which still upsets me to this day as they could have done a toxicology test because it is less invasive," she said, in her opinion.
The post mortem proved her brother had not drunk alcohol or taken drugs and the inquest proved her brother had done nothing wrong, she also said.
Sandra Parahi said she believed a person's spirit lived on after death, and believed her brother would be "up in arms" about the outcome of the court proceedings and the inquest.
"It does not heal our deep wounds. We are all lost without Tony, who was a much-loved family member, and we're unhappy the case was not referred on to a higher court."
She also said there were many reminders of her late brother, including every time she hears the sound of a Harley-Davidson revving or sees a similar big blue truck he drove.
"Tony was so funny. He had a wicked sense of humour and was really cheeky, and when he smiled his whole face lit up and had a booming laugh.
"He was a real crack-up especially when playing games with his moko. He loved
playing charades with his nephews and nieces.
"Our brother was very tall, really muscly and a larger than life character who loved people and living life to the full, and family was very important to him.
"The feelings of loss are still very strong for our whānau and everybody is struggling."
In her view, "justice has not yet been done for Tony"