The 111 files: Don't let your past be your future ...

Inspector Bruce Horne.

This is the third in a series of articles on family violence.

Over the next few weeks we will look at some of the barriers that are impeding the goal of eliminating family violence in New Zealand communities. One is fear, another is a loss of hope.

Last week I saw Kelleigh Burkett being interviewed on TV. She is 42, married and has three young children. Kelleigh also has cancer, and has exhausted all treatment options in New Zealand. She is about to take part in a new drug trial overseas that she hopes will provide a cure. As I listened to Kelleigh's interview I was struck by two things - her positive attitude and this statement, "everyone needs hope". She's right.

Cancer and family violence are life threatening. For New Zealand women, cancer is the second most common cause of death. Family violence is fifth. A New Zealand woman is more likely to die from family violence than a car crash.

One of the other things that cancer and family violence have in common is the attitude of the patient (or victim) plays a big role in their chances of surviving. I'm mindful that if you are a victim of family violence and you have just read that statement, you might be feeling disheartened - but stay with me. I know that family violence is incredibly debilitating and I know that one of the biggest challenges for a victim of family violence is trying to imagine that somehow their life is going to get better. It can.

When you lose hope you become vulnerable to dark and toxic thoughts. Thoughts such as "this is never going to end", or "I don't have any options". People who are routinely subjected to family violence often have these thoughts. They feel trapped. Their despair is often compounded by a crippling fear. As a result, victims of family violence often struggle to make simple decisions - let alone really important ones - such as asking for help.

So if you are reading this and you are a victim or family violence, or you know someone who is, I want to finish by giving you some words of encouragement and hope.

Firstly, you are not alone. There are many people in our community who are struggling with the same things you are. Second, there are lots of people in our community who have a really good understanding of what you are going through - and want to help.

Third, and this is important - your past does not have to be your future. You do not have to spend the rest of your life living in fear and living with abuse. Don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise, it just isn't true.

If you are living with family violence you need to get help to stop it. Here are some numbers you can call. Family Violence Information Line 0800 456 450, Rotorua Family Violence Prevention Network (07) 348 5051, Women's Refuge Helpline 0800 REFUGE or Rotorua Police (07) 348 0099.

• Inspector Bruce Horne is Rotorua police Area Commander.