Six steps to tackle tough conversations

Delivering "tough" messages is something most managers find difficult, but listening and being clear and constructive can help bring about change with minimum drama.

Zest Training's Charlie Dalton addressed the issue as part of a leadership skills workshop with the Rotorua Chamber of Commerce yesterday, saying good communication and a calm and structured approach could eliminate or reduce the fall out from potential conflicts.

"Giving negative feedback is one of the toughest jobs you have to do as a leader."

The first step is effectively communicating expectations and providing regular feedback so staff know how they are measuring up to those expectations.

Dalton recalls asking one employer how he was doing in a new role.

"He said: 'If you were doing badly, we would let you know.' And that was it. It isn't enough."

It is important to offer praise as well as criticism and to offer feedback more regularly than at an annual appraisal.

Dalton is a strong believer in giving praise publicly and criticism privately, saying it was also good to leave a couple of hours between an incident and sitting down to discuss it, to allow both sides to calm down and talk rationally about it. But he said it was important to deal with things promptly, being specific and honest about what the problem was.

However, it is possible, and desirable, for the employee to leave the meeting feeling at least as good about themselves as when they arrived.

Actively listening to what they have to say and giving them an opportunity to help identify the issue and come up with a solution is part of that.

"Listening is absolutely a key skill. Many of us are good at talking, but not so good at listening."

Dalton sets out a six-step approach to dealing calmly and rationally with staff whose behaviour - be it lack of punctuality, rudeness or poor performance - is below par (see below) and said it was important not to be judgmental, but to simply state the situation and why it was an issue for the company.

"Say: 'This is what I saw - tell me what happened?' Let them come up with solutions. Ask them how they can stop it from happening again."

Often there are issues behind unacceptable behaviour - relating to the workplace or their personal lives - and the employee should have the chance to explain these.

The meeting should be about changing behaviour, not about punishment. Giving the staff member the chance to contribute to the solution gives them ownership of it and Dalton said it was also important to offer support.

"Ask what barriers there might be to making these changes and how the company or organisation can help. They feel you are interested in them and support them."

Deciding on a solution should not be the end of the discussion. His framework includes discussion about how the agreed changes can be monitored to ensure they are made.

"This needn't make more work for you. Get the employee to send you a report a week or a month later updating you on progress."

Six steps to delivering tough messages

1. Tell the person you need to talk to them and why

2. Describe the behaviour you have observed

3. Explain the effect it had on clients/colleagues

4. Identify what needs to change

5. Decide how change can be monitored or checked

6. Offer support to help change happen