It's hard to decide what is the best time to have a beer. Photo / File
It's hard to decide what is the best time to have a beer. Photo / File
What a time of year this is for learning about restraint then ignoring what you've learned! For me, there are two main areas of concern: drinks time; chocolate.
Once the three boys arrive home it's all about celebration and the majority of us tend to base a lot of thiscelebration on what can only accurately be described as beer.
Trouble is, we never know what is a reasonable time to have the first one so we tend to mill around, look at our watches, look at each other a lot and eventually this leads to the opening of the first beverage.
Just before Christmas, one of the boys decided to use the sun and yardarm method. The first problem was he didn't know what a yardarm looked like so he couldn't draw one.
Neither did I but I knew it had something to do with sailing so I thought he could draw something vaguely marine/maritime to keep within the theme. I suggested a sperm whale.
Instead he drew, on one of the paving stones outside the house, a picture of a handle of beer complete with some of the frothy head spilling over the side. Not maritime but certainly relevant.
When the shadow of the house reaches the picture, he said, it is time for the first. So we watched and milled and watched and milled and eventually came to the conclusion that some of his angle calculations might have been inaccurate. We became quite thirsty.
For the next day, we decided to loosen up the system a little and go with when the shadow reached "somewhere near the picture".
That wasn't a roaring success either. It was a cloudy day so there were no shadows.
I believe the original sun and yardarm time was rather earlier in the day. It was probably closer to midday – even late morning – when the sun was directly above the topmost timber spar of a sailing vessel.
This solar alignment was used as the sailors' signal for the first rum issues of the day and possibly explains a number of historical shipwrecks.
And so to the other issue, chocolate. I hope you realise that there are many people who would go on a diet if it weren't for the existence of chocolate. Chocolatiers have a lot to answer for.
Throughout the festive season, Mrs D likes to dot the house with bowls of chocolate treats. You cannot get from any point in the house to any other point in the house without passing at least one bowl of these temptations, glistening their colourful foil invitations to all passersby.
Wyn Drabble.
I know that it's up to the individual to exercise willpower but, for me, that's easier said than done. I did, however, develop one little two-step trick I can share with you:
Step 1: Eat as many chocolates as usual (too many), remembering that there may be some flavours you haven't yet tried hidden under the pile.
Step 2: Brush your teeth, making sure to use the brushing motion recommended by your dentist.
Of course, the reason you can't have another chocolate now is that you've just brushed your teeth.
The reason that this method fails is that teeth are very easy to brush again.
Step 3: Repeat step 1.
Step 4: Repeat step 2.
By the end of the process, your teeth will be sparkling clean. Sorry, I clearly fibbed when I said it was a two-step process; there are, as you can see, at least four steps.
Anyway, if the sun is getting within cooee of the drawing on the paving stones, you can celebrate your dental cleanliness by having a drink.
Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, musician and public speaker.
